When we get married, we have a huge sense of responsibility. We feel loved and loved. What to do if the happiness that you have collected together bit by bit is melting right before your eyes. The husband, who has become a support, does not come home on time, does not pay attention to you. It can be assumed that he could just fall out of love. Why did the first feelings fade away? What was the reason? Is it possible to return them?

When you love, you are ready to give your feeling without demanding anything in return.

When we meet a person, we recognize him, we fall in love, we do not see his negative qualities. We are captivated by his sense of humor, determination, morale, tolerance. It seems like it will always be like this. And the future together with him is drawn bright and bright. But time passes, you are already a husband and wife, everyday problems appear, various life tests that change the inner world of a person. Everyone learns from their own mistakes. New habits, qualities and characteristics appear. Not a single person can live this life and not reconsider their views and attitude towards it.

Save or destroy

And at that moment, when we stand before the altar and promise before God to love our betrothed until death do us part, we do not know what will happen in 10 years. And after 30? Do we realize that the family is the work of both sides. Can we be tolerant of each other and keep this happy marriage.

Everyone has quarrels in life, sometimes not even noteworthy as well as personal tragedy. At such moments, your soul mate shows only patience and tenderness. Do not forget that everyone has their own pain and sadness, which together can be called suffering.

Sometimes in such moments of depression you want to forget about all the mistakes, shortcomings, end this relationship, which was once called love.

Is it love?

Sometimes the question of whether you love is difficult and difficult to answer. You lived with this person for a certain time period, you have children in common, of course, you love. But how? As the father of your child, as a person. And how to live without love and passion?

Psychologists say that such a marriage can be saved, you just need a desire. Everything can be fixed, the most important thing is that both of them want it. It takes years of hard work, but it's worth it. Imagine how strong, complete your family will become if you go through such difficulties together.

How to fall in love with your husband again

The husband is still the same person you once fell in love with, but he has changed. His habits have changed, new qualities have appeared. Together you make up a single whole, protect the interests of your family, and are an authority for each other. Youthful dreams have already become a reality, you have already visited those places that you dreamed about, gave birth and are raising children. And you did it all together. You have changed together, but in better side, matured. And all this is the result of your own desires and actions. You have become who you wanted to be.

positive thinking

We need to be positive about all changes. You need to understand that you loved your husband the way he was and is. You need to see your own mistakes and correct your behavior, then you will notice the shortcomings of your soulmate less. The fewer flaws you see, the stronger your love.

Take note: all bad thoughts about the behavior of the husband, his actions must be replaced with positive ones. You will not notice how thoughts about him become positive. Malice and anger will be replaced by devotion and compassion. Try to praise each other more often, even over trifles.

You both need to accept each other for who you are. Accept weaknesses, shortcomings, habits, share experiences and fears. It's so easy to say, "I can't do this alone. I need help".

To feel the reborn sincere love, which only became stronger, having gone through difficulties and joys, painstaking work of both parties is needed.

Little things to pay attention to

You need to be careful with the little things that can affect your relationship. Don't let them ruin the marriage that brought you happiness.

A woman must show her respect and sincerity of her feelings.

Do something with your husband, such as planning a family budget. Do not complain that you cannot buy yourself an expensive bag, because your significant other works hard every day so that you do not deny yourself anything.

As mentioned above, do not think negatively, because negativity drains.

It is also very important that the man feels that he is in your first place. Work, parents, girlfriends should fade into the background. It will certainly boost his self-esteem. Many marriages break up precisely for this reason, young people neglect each other's feelings, they go by the wayside for each other.

The main point in marriage is physical affection, although you should not forget about the spiritual one. Men are so arranged that they crave and need not only platonic love, but also physical love. But in no case should you use intimacy as a tool to control your soulmate. This is your personal, something that binds to each other.

Women love hints, perhaps it is laid down at the genetic level. But men just don't understand them. Don't waste your time making subtle hints, he won't understand them anyway. Talk to each other frankly. Be honest and open about your feelings.

Start with yourself

If you want to love your husband again, try giving him gifts. Remember childhood fun: write love notes to each other. Look at your lover with different eyes. You can make a list in which you write down the points for which you once fell in love with him. Talk positively about your husband. This will only positively affect the relationship.

Start with yourself, say in front of the mirror that you love and are loved, that you have a happy marriage and a husband that you truly love. Together you have overcome so many difficulties in life that you simply have to be happy. Take a vacation and go on a romantic trip together. A warm country, the sea or walking around the city at night will definitely bring newness to your relationship.

Is it possible to fall in love again if you already have the experience of a broken relationship behind you?

Consulting psychologist-practitioner, head of the Center for Human Studies and Spiritual Improvement in Moscow, Nikolai Ivanovich Kozlov.

- Many of my friends have a problem - they can't love anyone. What does it depend on?

There can be many moments here. Firstly, with age, the attitude towards love changes: other values ​​come to the fore, and the value of love decreases. Public opinion also makes its contribution: for some reason it is traditionally believed that all these "feelings, poetry" are the lot of young people, and adult serious people are no longer fond of love. As silly as it sounds, it works for a lot of people. But even regardless of public opinion serious problem older people - this is a decrease in the ability to love. Just as it was hard not to fall in love at eighteen, so it is hard to fall in love at thirty or forty. Of course, the fact that the circle of possible acquaintances is sharply narrowing also affects. But even if a person sees a lot of decent people around him, he begins to find fault with everyone: this is one thing, this is another, and there is no one "suitable" for him.

- Why do we start to find fault with people?

- There is a lot behind this: a load of disappointments, after which it is scary to get carried away - suddenly there will be a break again; an overestimated level of claims - we are afraid of "cheapening"; fatigue of the soul - nothing to love. But the result is always the same - the heart is silent.

What then are people to do?

- This becomes an obstacle in the way of many good potential couples: two good people met, and the heart does not tremble at the meeting. And if it doesn’t tremble, it means that some elusive charm disappears from the relationship. Good, but I don't like it. And if I don't like it, it's not destiny. As a rule, the problem of finding a loved one is more of a problem not of the loved one, who still does not appear, but of the one who is looking for this loved one.

The problem is in his inability to love, in his inability to fill his heart, soul with love and distribute it from the bottom of his heart. Because if my soul is overflowing with joy, love, it finds everything interesting and is ready to help anyone. She is ready to pour tenderness even on an inanimate object: an ordinary cup can enchant me and cause a flood of exciting feelings. If you can be so fascinated by an inanimate object, then it is understandable that the one you know good man will give you more options to do so. He will most likely support you and reciprocate.

- To love a beautiful inanimate object and a person with his shortcomings are not the same thing.

- You are right, for the sake of fairness, it should be noted that some people are more difficult to love than inanimate objects: objects do not prevent us from loving them, and such people actively repel both us and our love. As a rule, they also refuse to love themselves, so they are very unhappy. But there is another reason. There is a famous saying by Erich Fromm that "two people fall in love if they find that they have chosen the best product on the market, given the limited means of exchange."

- What does it mean?

- And the fact that I do not believe men and women who say that they cannot find a partner for themselves in any way family life. It can be assumed that none of the three or four candidates can suit a person. But if he cannot be interested in any of, say, forty, provided that all candidates are not freaks either physically or morally, then, apparently, the reason for the lack of reaction lies not in "unsuccessful" applicants for a hand and heart, but in psychological problems of the individual. - It is clear that it is necessary to expand the scope of the search, but what are the problems here? - And here's the thing.

Most likely, somewhere near you is walking the person who can make you happy and whom you can make happy. But you bypass it, because you think: "What if I meet even more beautiful, more fun and accommodating?" That is, you hope that a new, even more successful batch of goods will be brought to the marriage market. But no matter how much they bring it, you can always assume that this one is not the best. So my advice to you: stop haggling and fall in love! If only simply because it is difficult to make a better gift for yourself.

- It's easy to say, fall in love, but what if a person has a load of bad experience behind his back or, even worse, physical or psychological abuse and now he doesn't trust people?

- Well, you had this most "unfortunate experience." And how long will you rush with him like a hand-written sack? Closing yourself from love on the basis that you once contacted the wrong person is stupid. If something didn’t work out for you two or three times, it doesn’t mean that it won’t work out further. It only means that you do not know how to do it yet.

If you wish, you can read good literature on this topic, even better - go through good psychological training. First of all, I would recommend our training center, where for little money for the rest of your life you can learn how to build relationships confidently, beautifully, joyfully, for the benefit of yourself and others. Investing time and energy in good training is not a waste, it is an investment: if your life after that really changes in the right direction, is it justified or not?

Another thing is more important here - to decide for the person himself: does he really need it? Because the main payment is not in money, but in personal efforts. Everything is possible, you just need to not be lazy and make efforts for it.

- According to you, it turns out that love is a difficult and not cheap occupation?

It's not always the same. If you don't care who you fall in love with, if you are not particularly interested in the quality of the relationship, that is, if you are ready for "cheap options" - there is nothing complicated here. Go and fall in love with the first person you meet. It may very well be that you are lucky, and he will reciprocate. Well, nice. For a while you will love each other, then you will start to suffer - in any case, it is still better than sitting at home and toiling from boredom. If you part - it's not scary, you will soon find the next little man suitable for this game of love.

But if you are tuned in to a quality relationship, you want to love a truly worthy person, you want your love to be beautiful, and not a burden with insults, tantrums and threats, then this option requires costs. You want everything to be like in novels - sincerely, with views, poems ... - great, but do you yourself deserve poetry?

Or do you, young man, know how to compose poetry? But this, it is possible to teach and educate this not in one week and not in one month. To do this, you need to become a different person.

- Suppose a person has become worthy of love, but who can guarantee that everything will turn out fine after that?

- Firstly, no one will give you a guarantee that everything will always be great in your life. This doesn't happen. A brick on the head of any of us can fall at any time, and now what - do nothing? Who wants a result - looking for means, who does not want to do anything - looking for excuses. Especially since smart people usually they don’t go where bricks often fall, and they find a person for themselves who, most likely, will not accidentally leave ...

- Which practical advice you can give to people who cannot get rid of the experiences of their past?

Don't live in this past. When you go over in your memory for the hundredth circle, for example, a case of violence, you seem to be again locked in a room by a rapist. These memories over the years will further traumatize your psyche. Do you need it? No. Then do not sour, but contact a specialist. Or help yourself.

Perhaps this technique will help you: relax and immerse yourself in the situation of your past, remember what and how it was, even if these memories are difficult. Feel yourself tense - relax again. Play the situation again against the backdrop of relaxation - it will already be easier, and then in the same relaxed state imagine the continuation of the situation, where the world is already painted with light and bright colors, where life goes on, where you want to live and you feel good.

Color the picture of the world in these cheerful colors, and then imagine various pleasant specifics: for example, a wonderful young man meets you, you like him, cares for you, and then everything is beautiful and wonderful. The old goes away, you get used to the new, and it's much better.

- I like it. And any other way?

- Please! Can you draw? Draw your negative emotions on paper - in scribbles, a picture, an image, some kind of monster. Then also draw - without pretensions, only for yourself - the situation that you want to forget. Now crumple the piece of paper and throw it... into the past. And then take new leaf paper and draw yourself a new future. When you do this, you will begin to believe that it will be so, and if you believe, you will begin to look for it. And then it will come to you.

- Would you advise looking for reliable and strong relationships among people of faith?

If a family is created by two believers, they usually have a stronger union than non-believers. It is only important that they profess the same religion. Because if life is connected by an Orthodox and a Muslim, the relationship becomes complicated. Or Christians of different denominations - the same thing. Esoteric and Orthodox coexist with difficulty. Believer and superstitious - problems. Both believe in signs - okay, but it's even more important that your signs match. The faith of the two should be common: if you believe that the world is beautiful, then find yourself another one who is fascinated by the world.

- And finally, why are there so many lonely among the worthy, young and beautiful people? Why does every third family, according to statistics, end in divorce?

Maybe because they don't really know how to love. When we want love, we begin to expect something from our beloved, hope, make demands on him, and he ... And he is as imperfect as you are, and cannot give everything that you want from him. . Then you start to get angry, yearn, scream and blame. And for some reason he answers you not with love, but with the same tension. And you understand that you have found not a loved one, but a nasty and harmful one. Then women make one conclusion, and another.

And happily part. Several such experiments - and people understand that love is a fairy tale, which is stupid to believe in. And it is better to sit at the computer or at the TV, at least everything is reliable and predictable there. In fact, love is a game of tremendous interest, with which no one can compare in terms of liveliness of experiences. computer game, no detective. To

Of course, for this you need to learn how to play it and, most importantly, win. Well, whoever has not learned how to play it, says that this game is not interesting. Grapes are green.

If your heart has been broken once, it can be very difficult to love someone again. Some people never recover after such a hard breakup. However, you can learn to love again, even if someone previously left you with a huge emotional wound inside because of a broken relationship or lost love. To shield yourself from love is to miss the opportunity to experience what many consider the only blessing in life. Here's what you can try to start loving again.

Difficulty: moderate.

1. Grieve from the bottom of your heart over who/what/whom you have lost. Before you are ready to love again, you need to heal the pain your last love caused you. Whether you've lost your other half before, whether through a failed relationship or the death of a loved one, lost love has left an emotional wound in its wake. Grieve over the loss, so you free yourself to be able to love again.

2. If the desire for love arises within you, be able to recognize it. Loving someone is one of the most basic needs in human existence. Without love, life is meaningless and gray. While it may take you a while to heal your inner wound, closing your heart to love will make your life empty.

3. Realize the fact that new love worth the risk. Still in the process of experiencing loss, you may decide that your heart is too fragile to take a new blow and not worth the risk. However, by letting go of your grief, thereby releasing the extra burden on your heart, and becoming healthier emotionally, you will already begin to move towards the possibility of reopening your heart.

4. Love yourself. The more you respect and love yourself, the more likely you are to attract an emotionally healthy person to you. If you leave the house looking for love to fill the hole in your heart, then you are more likely to attract someone who wants to have an advantage / power over you, or who is looking for short-term entertainment. Be that as it may, if you start from the perspective of having love that you want to give to another, you will most likely attract the same person to you.

5. At least just hypothetically think about what you would like to get from a new relationship. Set a standard against which you can begin your search. Make them a point from which you will start on the way to a new relationship, and do not fall into the old, once dear template, simply because you feel more comfortable that way. In most relationships, in addition to the positive aspects, there are a lot of their minuses, so do not forget to take them into account.

6. Let love come to you. There is no need to run from home in search of "Mr. / Miss that / that one (s)" to places where singles traditionally gather.

Instead, take part in some activity/activities/circle, etc. that you have always enjoyed doing/always enjoyed participating in - one where you will need to connect with people of both sexes with similar interests. Whether it's through a photography club, a bowling or paintball team, a tennis club, or a charity, get involved in a positive way in the lives of a group of people.

7. Move into new relationships slowly. Don't try to replace the lost love. Don't try to heal your pain with a new partner. Instead, let the new relationship grow and flourish in its own way, naturally and calmly.

Additions and warnings:

Even if all of the above tips do not make you run away looking for a new couple, applying them will allow you to get at least a little out of your cocoon, and become more open to real opportunities;

If the loss of your last love has become really too much for you, consider finding a good therapist-psychologist who has experience in counseling people with similar problems. An experienced and competent therapist will guide you through the process of mourning the lost, and you will be able to return to life again;

Don't rush into a relationship just because you're lonely. Let true love chart its course.

It would seem that love a person, do not need much time. In fact, each of us experiences discomfort, sometimes even pain, annoyance when it comes to personal feelings. Everyone has a lot of experiences, remnants of the past, desires for the future and, possibly, losses of the present associated with the concept of love. Be that as it may, falling in love with a person is not easy if you do it not for the first time.

How to love a person who loves you

Needless to say, how difficult it is to love a person who does not like. It is akin to torture, with the unbearable understanding that you need to stand next to an unpleasant person. There are times when there is no way out and you need to accept a person into your life. If you can't accept the person as they are, change your attitude.

Step one. How to love someone without hurting yourself . Do not worry about the fact that you have a dislike for someone. You are you, and who cares why and where you have a bad attitude. Be simple in your choice - treat everyone neutrally. Nothing in life lasts forever. All the same or later replaced by another.

Step two. To love a person, learn to accept yourself. . First of all, accept yourself as a person. Radiate love and kindness without expecting the same in return.

Step three. Acquire such a quality as humanism . All people are equal among themselves, but from time to time we put someone above others. So did you. Therefore, take it as gratitude and try to love this person, first of all, as a person. Respect his choice.

It is unpleasant to look at a loved one walking with another. It's even worse to love someone you hate. How realistic is it to do this and stay in your own interests?

• Firstly, you will have to step over yourself, through your principles, foundations. There is no escape from this: it is important to love your neighbor as yourself. Then you will become happier and give happiness to others.
• Secondly If you can't seem to be sympathetic, don't be sympathetic at all. Become a powerful tree - even if you absorb negative information, process it and radiate it as something useful for everyone. Thus, you will not protect yourself from the outside world and from loved ones, plus everything will become a source of good relations. Find out: .

Could you love a person who fell out of love? Suddenly love leaves, and we do not know what to do next: to leave or try to return the extinguished fire in the heart. One way or another, most couples make a choice in favor of the second. And it is true: in any case, there is a loss of the former passion, trust, in the end, ardent love. With a great desire, you can return the dead sympathy.

By diversifying your routine, you will show your soulmate that you can be completely different. Do things that you would never do before. Try to show your beloved (or lover) that you can do anything, and when you see the response, proceed to the next step.

Visit new places by following the new route map. Go to museums, exhibitions, theaters, cinemas. Enrich inside relations.

Love a man for being rich spiritual world not everyone is capable. No wonder there is a saying "meet by clothes, see off by mind." We always pay attention to the appearance of a person. Such nuances as dirty shoes, unkempt hands, dirty hair, an unpleasant smell repel the interlocutor instantly. This can be corrected, but if the soul is empty, it will be more difficult. When choosing a person for life, one must take into account not only the appearance, but also the “stuffing”. The label can be beautiful, but the candy is tasteless. And vice versa.

It’s all a matter of chance, and if you don’t like a person just because of their appearance, you are not so much in love with him. Guided by the principle of choosing a loved one, thanks to the mind, we do not make a mistake, as it seems at first glance.

The first years, of course, we are drowning in beauty and all the amenities that happen. After a while, we need a person who will be there when you feel like nothing. A beautiful wrapper will definitely not give you this.

Summarizing, I want to say that everything is possible. The problem is how badly you want it. With a strong desire, you will turn mountains. So, go ahead and never wait for the right moment. He comes every moment. Love and be loved!

It's strange, where does the feeling of love suddenly disappear? No, not that fleeting love when, as a young girl, you were looking for a real prince and packaged guys for good and bad. And the one when you were already sure that you fell deeply in love with a person, agreed to marry him and swore to be with him until the end of your life.

How did it happen that you stopped loving your husband, but you can’t experience the same feelings again? And it seems that he didn’t do anything bad to you, but there is no that very “wave” in which you want to “choke”. Everything is ordinary, boring, even irritable. Is it possible to return everything as before?

When a girl first marries her young man, she still does not suspect that life is not always sweetie. She still does not understand the difficulties of everyday life, a serious grinding of character, major conflicts. As long as everything is rosy.

And then it starts, especially when children are born, and relatives get into relationships. Drop by drop, and instead of “I love”, the words “zadolbal”, “fuck you” and “divorce” appear.

But all this happens because none of the spouses has a desire to look at their once beloved with different eyes. Those, the former, when he was still the best. Yes, and ask how he lives.

It often happens that “the husband infuriates”, literally in small things. How a person eats, sleeps, walks, sits at a computer. And now let's do auto-training and see if everything is so running. Is it possible to look at a husband with tenderness, and not with irritation? As once his mother looked at your still small spouse.

Here try:

He came home, hung up his jacket. His jacket is already kind of ridiculous: the sleeves are frayed, the collar is frayed. My poor husband doesn't complain, doesn't whine like me that there's nothing to wear, wears this stupid jacket and is silent.

He washed his hands and sat down at the dinner table. He sits tired, his back is slightly hunched, the back of his head is disheveled. Cheeks like a hamster - chews with appetite. Completely hungry. I did not even notice that the cutlets were a little burnt. You can still see that you like dinner.

He sat down to play a little on the computer before going to bed. He deserved it because he was tired. He plays in "Tanchiki". Probably, in childhood, he also arranged the soldiers on the carpet and created the atmosphere of a war. And now little has changed - the same child. Rejoices in every hit on the target.

He went to bed. He snores a little, but that's okay - he can't control himself in his sleep. And what a smell he has: native-native. So he turned and grabbed me in an armful without waking up. So he loves. Loves strongly.

He woke up with a fever. I'm sick, poor thing. Temperature 37.1 and makes a preoccupied face, eyebrows a house. Well, in principle, like all men love to make a tragedy out of nothing - such is the psychology. But I feel sorry for him, we must give him aspirin and a handkerchief.

That's how it is in everything. Look for solace in the little things. If you have a son, you will understand. Here you have a boy who will grow up, become an adult, marry. How would you like to see the further family fate of your son? Or the daughter-in-law will throw a frying pan on his table with the words: “Eat, you brute!”, Or she will beautifully lay out dinner for him on a plate, kiss him on the back of the head and say: “Bon appetit, sunshine!”

There is a constant exchange of energy between people. With what mood you meet him, he will treat you the same way. Even the irritation accumulated by him at work will be removed as if by hand if you are affectionate with him, and you yourself will definitely have a surge of former tenderness for him.

If suddenly your loved one began to annoy you, then in many ways you are to blame yourself. There is some kind of stupid habit among women - to discuss their husbands in an unsightly light. Just a real epidemic. And what infection was the first to come up with?

Look - whatever you touch, all the time men are lowered "below the plinth": anecdotes, aphorisms, jokes, jokes are simply full of humiliation. And for some reason it's considered funny. But any psychologist will tell you - if you agree with these nonsense, it means that something similar is happening in your family.

Here look. You "poured a bucket of slop" on your husband, telling what a "goat" he is. Now your girlfriends are firmly convinced that your spouse is not worth your little finger. Therefore, they shamelessly come to visit you, not noticing and not respecting him, completely ignoring him. Of course, he's nobody.

If you once again complain about him to your girls, they won’t be surprised, they say, what did you want from this penny?! But you yourself launched this boomerang of disrespect! He returned to you! And so you began to look at your spouse with disgust - thanks to your own words.

But if you launch another "boomerang" - tell the environment what a golden man your husband is, how you adore and respect him, how many positive qualities he has, and you will see how your spouse will change in your eyes for the better. Because your good words about him will come back to you - only from other people. And this helps to fall in love with a spouse again.

Chekhov has such a story "Darling". In him main character“Olga Semyonovna, the sweetest woman whom everyone loves. And she was madly in love with her husbands. True, they untimely passed away one by one, but that is not the point.

The secret of her love for her husbands is that she understood and shared their interests. By the way, this is rare. Usually modern women they do not like to share the hobbies of men, a priori considering them a waste of time. And rarely any of the wives will try to delve into the essence of the hobby.

But here's some advice for you. Depending on your spouse's hobby, try to get interested in it yourself:

Watch at least 10 minutes of his fight in "Tanks". Try to drive this virtual colossus yourself. You will see how your heart stops when you hide your tank in the bushes from the enemy, and how indignation boils in you when you are finally shot down!

Do you love fish? What about catching? What does "Nah" mean? Try it, go fishing with your husband with an overnight stay. Let you sit for an hour over the fishing rod to no avail, but when your float jumps in the water or the spinning pulls, then every vein of yours will twitch from adrenaline. Awesome feeling!

Husband watching stupid football on TV again? Yes, indeed, this mournful noise and voice of the commentator sometimes just freezes. And you make a bet with him: whose team loses, he makes dinner. You will see for yourself how nervous you will be for your own.

Interests bring together, and there are more topics for conversations. You will begin to understand your spouse, and you will no longer want to scold him for idleness. Well, one more step towards love is made.

change everything

Of course, in order to love your husband again, he must change, not you. But then the article would be completely different.

And if he does not know about your cooled feelings? And you so want, without offending him, to return everything as before.

Make yourself a honeymoon, or at least a honeymoon weekend. Move to a place where you can take a break from everything. One condition - not a word about everyday problems, and leave the children to their parents.

There is no way to change the situation at home - at least move the furniture in a different way. It will seem that some good changes have taken place in your life.

The more positively you look into the future, the sooner your husband will want to make your dreams come true, which will add honor to him. Unless you push him, of course.

Do not be selfish - your husband is not the Lord God, so do not demand the impossible from him. In general, in love it is more pleasant to give than to take.

Buy him a new jacket! Let it be beautiful in your eyes! And he will love your attention.

If you have completed all the points, and something has changed for the better in your life, then imagine a terrible thing - what if this man will never be in your life again ?! Yes, you will suffocate with horror even at one such thought! And that is what love is.