In our life, different events happen - joyful or tragic. If people didn't help each other through them, it would be much harder to come out of such a deep emotional experience. We may not always be able to find the right words to express our sympathy or compassion, but it is in our power to just be there. And this presence will say more than any prepared phrases.

Words of support in a difficult moment to a girlfriend and friend are very important. They are known to everyone - “I'm sorry”, “I sympathize”, “everything will be fine”, “with time the pain will pass”, “time heals”, etc. You just need to remember that no words alone can help, calm a person. It is important that words of sympathy and support are backed up by your sincere participation.

If grief happened

If you are unable to support the person in person, do so over the phone. Just call, express words of support and sympathy. This is always very important. Most importantly, speak sincerely, ask if you can help with something? Try to speak clearly but calmly. A person in an emotionally depressed state, experiencing grief, cannot always adequately assess reality.

Remember that it is not the words themselves that are important to a person, but your sincere willingness to come to his aid. Even just being with a person in difficult times is very important. If you want to somehow comfort a person, think about what would personally help you? What kind of words of participation, consolation would help you in such a situation.

Well, for example, if a woman who was married for 20 years was left alone, since her husband left for another, she needs not just words of support, she needs a specific plan for a worthy way out of this life situation. Here the words are unlikely to help: "You need to calm down, everything will be forgotten, everything will pass."

It is better to tell her that she is an attractive, quite young woman. What you need not to give up, but to put yourself in order, continue to live, build new relationships, create a new family. Indeed, at 45, life is just beginning, the children have grown up and you can finally devote time to yourself. Offer her a joint shopping trip, sign up together with a beautician.

If the family of your friend or girlfriend is experiencing grief, one of his relatives, people close to him has died, stay close as long as possible, help with the organization of funeral events. If a person experiences deep despair, cannot adequately perceive reality, put before him a number of questions on the organization of mourning events that need to be addressed urgently. Say that your loved ones need him, they also need his help.

Words of support in difficult times are very important. But you don't have to wait for something bad to happen. Just tell your friend that you will always stay with him, no matter what happens. it simple words will remain in memory, strengthen your friendship.

How to support a loved one if failures haunt?

As you know, life is a complicated thing, it consists not only of victories and joys, but of disappointments. Therefore, if your loved one has a losing streak, you need to support him, help him survive this difficult life period. The main thing is not to get lost. But finding the right words is not always easy.

What to do in such a situation - sympathize, find words of encouragement, or just sit silently next to you? After all, people who are in a difficult, emotionally intense situation can react differently to your participation. If this also applies to men, it is better to immediately abandon the manifestation of pity.

Pity poisons relationships

Of course, a person really wants to feel sorry. But you need to understand that pity is destructive, especially when it comes to the stronger sex. Pity demeans dignity. And with large portions, it can relax a person, not induce him to action. He ceases to look for a way out of the situation, to fight the negative circumstances that have arisen. It’s better to tell him that everything that happened is not a problem, that together you can cope with everything. Say that you believe in him, his capabilities and know for sure that he will definitely succeed.

Don't give up, take action

In order to bring your loved one out of a negative state, so that he does not give up, but begins to act, you yourself must believe what you say. Believing in his strength, without long phrases and explanations you will be able to bring your loved one out of a stupor, push him to take action.

Tell him that if the problem that has arisen is voluminous, multi-stage, in order to develop the desired solution, it is better to break it into small parts, and then solve each one sequentially, gradually eliminating it all.

Also, never do anything for him. He must believe in himself and decide everything himself. You can easily guide him with advice. You should not relax a man, it is better to help him show his masculine qualities, ingenuity, will, strength. Do not take the burden of his problems on your shoulders. Otherwise, each time this burden will be heavier. By solving his problems for him or offering to passively wait out difficult times, you yourself will gradually turn your beloved loser out of him, for which he will hate you when he sees that he has missed some opportunities.

If grief or any sad event happened in the life of your loved one, just be there for him. Sometimes, no words are needed. Your mere presence next to him, a kiss, a hug, can act better than any comforting words.

Acknowledge whatever he feels without trying to change it. Just let him experience what he is experiencing and stay with him. If it's hard for him, then it's hard. It hurts - it hurts. Don't discount what he's going through by making sense of it from the outside, comparing it to others or himself, or trying to change it. Just be close to what is. Carefully respond to his request for support and the required form. The metaphor is: "you decide to stay - I'll stay by your side, you decide to leave - I'll drive the car."

It seems to me that the words are very true from a psychological point of view. And yes - the most important thing is not to depreciate, because. most friends/relatives, etc. reassure with something like "Come on, everyone goes through this", Or "n days have passed, it's time to pull yourself together", etc.

Reply

Comment

What is the support? Attention. :-)) All you have to do is pay attention to the person. Try to feel intuitively. If a person does not want to talk about something, then it is better to switch the conversation to another topic. Let the person know that if something happens, then you are nearby and he can rely on you / count on you. You can just write it like this.

Depends on the current situation. I always tell a person only the truth, I never promise him that everything will be fine.
If a person is strong in spirit, then tell him so. What is happening now only hardens him, and it will be easier in the future. You just need to pull yourself together, survive what happened, get sick, and then take a deep breath and get back on your feet with renewed vigor. Say that life is huge, abstract, bright, and she herself will show the way, lead away from trouble. Not now, later. Right now, this very moment must be experienced. Remember that a person is given as many trials as he can overcome.

As soon as you tell a person "Everything will be fine", you let him know that now everything is bad with him. By saying "You will overcome this," you place on him the obligation to overcome and the fear of not being overcome. Saying "There are others who are even worse" You generally plunge him into a complete logical stupor: for it is not clear how to compare different problems different people.

In short, any verbal support only confuses and makes it worse. This is especially noticeable in connection with serious problems, like the loss of loved ones, because difficult emotions in such situations make it impossible to perceive words.

Therefore the only effective method- presence: voice, warmth of the hand, emotional contact. And if the conversation, then on abstract topics. At a distance, of course, this is more difficult to implement, but a sincere and interested call or e-mail will always come in handy.

Internally strong man he will never show his weakness to everyone around him, he is unlikely to "limp" in front of you, unless you are really close. However, his face and behavior will clearly show the burden of sadness that he put on his shoulders, no matter how much he wanted to hide it. Therefore, in such cases, I personally need only one thing: to feel that there is a person nearby who mentally (!!!) shares it with you. Just mentally. I can't stand this imaginary sympathy when they say: "Hey, everything will be fine!" or "Share with me, take the weight off your shoulders." Never insist that a person tell you everything, if he wants it - he will do it. And so it's more like a desire to "cash in" on someone else's misfortune: either get a chance to show how attentive you are, or just find a great reason for gossip.

The most valuable thing is when a person comes up to you at a difficult moment, takes your hand and starts talking about all sorts of nonsense, just to distract you from all sorts of bad thoughts. And in the end it works. Perhaps now, having felt that you support him, the person himself will tell you his story. Never lie to him at such times. Do not try to prove to him that he will find a new hamster and calm down, or that he will soon forget everything. Better plunge with him into wonderful memories of what tricks this hamster did, and tell me what is the same - alas! - no longer. The main thing is really, as mentioned below, always be on his side. And then your support will be very helpful.

There are several types of people who discuss their problems with you. The former tell you about their problems and expect some advice from you, perhaps even a solution. The second just needs to speak out, they do not wait for decisions, they just need someone to listen to them and, most likely, regret it. This classification is not necessarily correct, I tell on the example of my own friends, because among them there are bright representatives of both of these categories.

So what to do? Determine which category your friend belongs to.

If you are looking for solutions, then everything is clear. Try to enter into a position, imagine how you would act in the place of a friend in this situation. Why not, because if you are close friends, your opinion matters a lot.

If the person is looking for sympathy, just listen. Say that you are sorry that this happened and that his problem is really significant (even if it is not so for you). In no case do not say that this is all nonsense and about starving children in Africa, and that it could be worse. All that is required of you at such a moment is support. We are all different, we look at different situations in our own way, and what is a trifle for one is a disaster for another.

Sympathy, indifference, empathy - these are invaluable skills inherent in the world of people.

The ability to support a person in a difficult moment makes us closer and better: it is important for both - both for the one who suffers and for the one who extends a helping hand to him. But not everyone knows how, with what words and actions to support another.

Support in action

Think about it: sometimes two words spoken at the right time can save a life. Behind the beautiful and strong facade of a self-sufficient person, deep depression can be hidden, leading to terrible decisions.

Many people around you stand on the edge of the abyss and need compassion, but they are silent about it. To see someone else's misfortune, to pat on the back, to convince a colleague or friend that everything will work out is a great skill.

But it is not enough just to notice the problem, it is important to say the right words. What can they be?

1. "How can I help you?" This phrase is suitable for active, but not particularly sentimental altruists. Demonstrate your readiness to get involved in the battle for a comrade, dig headlong into his problem and together, shoulder to shoulder, resolve the issue.

Perhaps your help will not be needed, but the desire will be appreciated and will instill optimism in a person.

Support in practice is a very important thing. You can bring groceries to a heartbroken friend's house, help her with cleaning, pick up her son from kindergarten while she cleans up.

Surrounding your loved one with care, you will show that he is not alone and is loved.

In difficult situations (during the funeral of loved ones, long-term treatment of relatives, knocking out free medicines), The best way support a person - take on some of the organizational issues.

You can call relatives, consult lawyers, make copies of documents, order tickets, and the like.

2. "What could cheer you up?". Take an interest in what things bring pleasure to a person, suggest pleasant thoughts, distract from problems.

A bucket of ripe strawberries, a trip to the petting zoo, eating a huge pizza, a trip to an amusement park, buying a new dress... People draw positive energy from the most unexpected objects.

3. "Do you want me to stay by your side?", “Maybe I should stay here today?”. It is harmful for a person in trouble to be alone with negative thoughts and depression. It is not necessary to sit and grind the problem in words - it is enough just to be in the next room, nearby.

4. "Everything goes and it is also". King Solomon was wise and rightly valued this slogan. Everything ends, both good and bad. Times change and bring change with them. Convince the person that you need to endure quite a bit - the finale will come anyway.

5. "What worries you the most?". Learning about the true causes of sadness is useful - this gives the grieving a chance to speak out and at the same time delve into himself, setting priorities and placing emphasis.

It may turn out that the official reason for depression is just a cover for deeper complexes and suffering.

For example, your girlfriend is worried that she was fired. It looks like she is crying because of the financial hole she has fallen into, but in fact it speaks of low self-esteem, fear of the new, feeling like a mediocre and stupid employee who is not needed by anyone.

Understanding the causes of depression is the key to choosing the right words for support.

6. Instead of a thousand words - silence. Be silent, hug tightly and carefully listen to the confession of the suffering. The ability to listen is no less valuable gift than communication skills.

How not to support in difficult times

Sometimes silence is golden. Especially in those moments when forbidden words and emotions are ready to fly off the lips.

What not to say, does your friend have grief?

one. " I feel so sorry for you!» Pity does not mean sympathy.

In general, self-pity is the last thing a sick, abandoned or fired person wants to feel. It is much better to radiate a positive attitude.

2. " Yes, everything will be fine tomorrow!" If you are not aware of the situation, do not express false-optimistic expectations.

It is difficult for a terminally ill person to hear your conviction that he will "definitely get better." In this case, it is worth looking for other words of support.

3. " I was fired twenty times, but I didn’t kill myself like that". Your experience is certainly invaluable, but a depressed person seems to be in a unique situation. In addition, there are no guarantees that you really got identical problems, and everyone has a special perception of reality.

four. " I feel bad too, my leg hurts, my neck is puffed up". You should not complain in response - after all, you came to support, and not pull the blanket over yourself.

A person in trouble has one consolation - to be in the center of attention, to be surrounded by care. Yes, and it looks ridiculous when you come to a person who has recently lost a loved one and complain about a cough.

With the support of a friend, lover or relative, it is important to be there even in the most difficult emotional periods.

People in grief are aggressive, blinded by rage, offended by the whole world, grouchy and critical.

Being in the same room with them is a difficult task, but this is how the real closeness of souls is manifested and confirmed.

As well as strangers. If there was no hope for help and mutual assistance, it would be difficult for people in difficult times to cope with their problems, they would not be able to survive it on their own. Not everyone can find the right words that help show compassion. However, only your presence will replace all phrases prepared in advance.

The right words in difficult times

How to support a person with words if there is no opportunity to see him? You can advise and show mutual support by phone. The most important thing is that the support should not be fake, but sound very sincere. You can ask if you need any help. The inadequate emotional state of a person who has something happened does not always give him the opportunity to adequately evaluate everything that is told to him. In this case, the intonation and rhythm of the voice are important in the voice, while exerting a hypnotic effect on it and calming it.

They support not only words in difficult times, but also the very readiness to provide assistance and protection. Only the fact that you will be with a person next to him will add strength and a little confidence to him.

What words to support a person? There are several phrases that are customary to say in such situations: “I sympathize”, “Time heals wounds”, “I am very sorry”, “Over time, everything will calm down, everything will pass” and many others. But if a person does not feel sincerity during the sounding of these phrases, then they will not have any positive effect on him.

Choose your words carefully

Before you say something, think carefully, put yourself in the place of that person. To comfort you in this situation? It is necessary to interest him, to “hook” for a wonderful future, to talk about what kind of person is waiting for changes and new good situations. Every woman, if she breaks up with her husband after many years together, feels oppression, and that her life is cut short. She does not see anything good in the future. And ordinary support will not help her, you should apply a special plan that will help you get out of the situation.

The phrase “Calm down, get together, everything will pass” is not worth saying, since there is no specific future in it. You can talk about the fact that at this age life is just beginning, that there are good moments ahead. At forty or fifty, with a rich life experience it is easier to find a life partner with whom you can create a strong and reliable family. Offer to go shopping, take a look at a beauty salon while shopping, restore beauty so that the abandoned wife feels like a princess again.

If a person's loved one has died, stay close to him, help organize the funeral. Very often they help a person to bring out of despair tasks and issues that need to be urgently resolved. Say that a friend's relatives need support. If you play the role of comforter, the friend himself will provide support and think about responsibility for his family.