"Pravmir" publishes another attempt to respond to - Elena from St. Petersburg. Recall that the woman asked for help to find a way to come to terms with the cross of loneliness.

Dear Elena!

I read it on the Pravmir website, and it deeply touched me and echoed in my heart with a keen desire to help you and find words of consolation for you and, perhaps, that explanation of your fate that you are looking for. The consolation is not one that lulls you to sleep, but one that gives an impulse to comprehend and overcome, an impulse not of conservation, but of movement. And although you are waiting for an answer, first of all, from the priest, I decided not to restrain my impulse and write to you.

Avoiding Standard Answers

In your letter, you say that you cannot understand the relationship between your chaste behavior and the lack of love and family in your life. You look with pain at your girlfriends and colleagues who have all this, and ask God: “For what?” After all, punish you, like, and there is nothing.

You say that you cannot understand God's plan for yourself, you notice that in the years that you live, you could already become a mother ten times, as happens with your girlfriends. "Who needs my misfortune?" you ask. And you rightly notice that none of the “standard” Orthodox answers from the series “according to sins”, “such is your cross”, etc. to explain your condition does not fit. Indeed, the standard is not the key with which to explain the inexplicable.

Refuse pity

Let's be pragmatists and start with the fact that we will stop allowing ourselves the luxury of subjunctive moods in the style of "but I could have become a mother more than once in the years that I live."

Such constructions, in my opinion, are very harmful and destructive, because, modeling our life in our imagination, the only thing they do is put pressure on pity - our pity for ourselves. They cherish her, warm her up, squeeze out tears in a completely artificial and senseless way.

The construction “I could become a mother” makes sense only in one case - when a woman really could become a mother, but did not become one of her own free will, that is, she had an abortion. And then it is permissible not to feel sorry for yourself, but to mourn over your sin before God and the murdered child, that is, to repent.

If you again go in cycles in yourself and your bitter fate, then such a retrospective will be useless. One way or another, this is not your case - you, fortunately, did not have an abortion. Therefore, for you, such appeals to non-existent happiness are pure masochism and self-pity, which must be immediately abandoned, forbidding this thought to enter your heart. One must give up the bitter pleasure that this thought brings.

It's a paradox, but it's not much easier to give up enjoying pain than it is to give up enjoying pleasure and happiness. This may be the reason why we keep returning to this thought. We feel sorry for ourselves because we love ourselves too much, we think too much about ourselves, we pay too much attention to ourselves, we spin too lovingly around our own axis and our “unhappy” Self. We, our ego, which consists, among other things, of our desires , is our favorite stumbling block that we trip over all the time.

The construction “I could already become a mother” (millionaire, great actress, etc.) is also quite brazen. Listen, those girls or boys who were born disabled and lie chained to a bed or a wheelchair could also become good mothers and fathers, but bad luck - the disease prevented.

And those who died in childhood or adolescence from illness or accident might, too. And my fiance, with whom we did not have a relationship, also, perhaps, could already be a father at the moment, but it so happened that he was killed, and he did not become a father. People suffering from infertility who have lost their reproductive health due to certain operations could also ...

Do you understand the absurdity of such constructions?

After all, we ourselves do not know how long we will live, and what will happen tomorrow. We, it seems, live a church life, but how much our life is not a church life, but fragmentary in general, we remember only in days of difficult trials, when the danger of actually losing it comes. On other days, we prefer to grieve about unfulfilled happiness.

Don't confuse heaven with reality

You, as an unnaturalness of your lonely position, cite the words of the Lord, who said to Adam and Eve: be fruitful and multiply, and inhabit the earth. But let's not forget that these words were spoken to our forefathers in paradise, and that was before the fall.

This is how it should be, this is God's plan for man and for the relationship between a man and a woman. But since then, the world has changed "a little"; everything has gone "a little" wrong. And now it is very naive to expect that everything will be just fine for everyone.

We easily put up with what is not great with others, but for some reason we think that this should not concern us.

I know couples where husband and wife, bride and groom are very suitable for each other. Looking at them, I am very happy, because all the pricks of pity and envy, as the holy fathers teach us, can be cut at the root with a confession and a courageous ban, and then they simply stop bothering.

The main thing is not to try to appropriate this joy for yourself. No need to compare yourself with anyone and try on someone else's fate. There are no identical people and identical destinies. With God, we are completely alone, and He has His own plan for each of us.

Trust "blindly"

You say: how can this idea be understood? This is a very interesting question. It often seems to us that if we suddenly found out why God arranged everything this way and not otherwise, why He “punishes” us and what He leads us to, what He wants from us and what methods He intends to achieve this, then we would all at once understand and calm down.

It would be approximately clear to us in which direction to move, what to want from life and what not to want, what to spend efforts on, and what is not worth even trying. Here is the idea - here is the way, there are no more questions ...

Over time, I realized that this is also another very funny design. It won't. No one will offer us such information about us on a silver platter, except perhaps a fortune teller. Yes, and this information is not the point.

The point is to surrender to the will of God, this will, without knowing what is called “blindly”. To trust Him, as a child trusts his parents, without unnecessary reasoning, without asking, what will happen to me and where You, Lord, are leading me, and will it be good there, will I be happy there and will it not hurt very much. And most importantly - without the cowardly "why?"

This question is one of the most misunderstood. It makes no sense to weigh your sins on the scales of divine justice and try to understand whether I really deserved this “burnt thing” or are they treating me “not according to concepts”?

You say that you have no special sins, thank God. But the fact is that the absence of sins is not a reason for happiness, but their presence is not a reason for its absence. Not everything is so linear. The Lord is not a constitutional court. And not the Hague Tribunal. This is a living supreme Personality Who knows better than we do what to do with us and our lives in order to bring us to Himself.

No matter how sinless we may be in terms of external actions, this in itself is still not enough to regenerate us into something completely new, into those new people who are able to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

“Gods are,” the Lord said about us, referring to our divine potentiality. What kind of gods are we in our present state? And will we become them if we are exceptionally calm and happy in our earthly life?

When the Archangel Gabriel informed the Mother of God that she would soon become the mother of the Savior of the human race and that this would happen in a way that violated earthly nature, she, it seems, did not have a very good idea of ​​what was happening to her and why, and how much it would cost her. . She didn't judge or judge. She simply agreed, no matter the consequences. “Behold the servant of the Lord, be it to me according to your word.”

Was this consent easy for her? Did She have the feeling that She was simply lying on the water and floating with the current of Divine will, or was the feeling more like when you enter ice water, when it seems that you are about to die? We don't know.

In any case, there was uncertainty ahead, except for happiness, which promised a “weapon” that should pass through Her soul, but consent was given anyway. In the same way, we must take an example from the Mother of God and unconditionally agree to everything. We should not be afraid of possible pain, we should not run away from it.

All this does not mean at all that there is no happiness - that ordinary earthly happiness that we dream about so much. But only by abandoning the incessant pursuit of him, you can become truly happy.

"Behold, the Bridegroom is coming..."

The Lord gives us a husband not only so that we are happy with him, but first of all so that we understand something important through him and learn something. And He gives a child, too, not in order to amuse our pride and the feeling of female fullness, but so that through this child we can feel another facet of Divine love.

In the same way, the absence of a husband and a child can be a means to feel this love. Only this will happen not indirectly, but, as they say, directly.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that when a woman has a husband, her relationship with God is different. A significant part of the energy of love goes to the husband, the husband, if he is beloved, occupies a significant part in the woman's heart, it seems to completely belong to him. A woman who does not have a husband has a chance to give herself to God, as if to her Bridegroom, or at least just move towards Him more strongly.

You say that you are not a monastic stock - this is completely irrelevant in this case. If the Lord does not give you anyone, it means that He Himself at this particular moment of time is waiting for a meeting with you and does not want to share you with anyone. And it would be very reckless not to take advantage of this moment.

After all, it very often happens with us that we live a church life for years, do not commit any particularly grave sins, and in this state of ours imperceptibly conserve. And then it suddenly turns out that God has long been calling us to completely different peaks, and we are hopelessly behind ...

You ask how to come to terms with female loneliness? How to stop wanting to get married? But when we find the strength in ourselves (and this is also a matter of willpower) and make this spiritual qualitative breakthrough, we suddenly realize that there is no “women's loneliness”. As there is no male loneliness. That there is no loneliness at all. This is a myth invented by people who do not know what they are capable of.

No sudden movements

You can still insist that you were created for simple female happiness, and such a union with God scares you. But the fact is that all the same, each of us is called to such a union in one way or another, regardless of gender and marital status. All the same, we must love God first, and then our husband and children.

Because all the same, the time will come when both the husband and the children will be taken away from us, and we will be left alone with the One who created us and Who created our suitors, husbands and children. And our heart should not be attached to them any more than to Him. It should not be strongly, to the point of despondency, sad that the Lord does not give us something less than Himself, because in return for this lesser He is always ready to give us Himself. And there can hardly be anything more than this gift.

So if you like it or not, you will have to study.

You suffer because you share the opinion that the Lord has determined only two paths for us - either family life or monastic life. And you don't belong to one or the other. Meanwhile, I am sure that such an artificial division of people into two main categories greatly simplifies reality.

Life shows that the Lord leads each of us to Himself in His own special way. And on this path there are no stereotyped trajectories, just as there are no age restrictions. You can meet your future husband at any age and take monastic vows at any age. And it is possible to live by some third way, if it is the way that is pleasing to God.

And I don't see any need to make any sudden, rash moves along the way.

It would be a complete failure to go to a monastery just because of a failed personal life, without feeling a special calling for it. Likewise, it would be insane to hysterically push yourself into marriage on the basis of "non-monastic temperament." We ourselves do not know what kind of warehouse we are. The Lord knows.

You say, trying to comprehend your plight, that even Nick Vuychich has a wife and children, although he himself is without arms and without legs! This is a truly amazing fact, testifying to the infinite mercy of God to all of us and to each one individually. But I read Nick, and you know what I understood? That he could do without his wife and son in the same way as he does without arms and legs. And just like that, be happy.

So we need to learn how to be happy, no matter what. Not in order to turn it into some kind of deal, not with the idea that when we learn this, then God will definitely send us someone, but solely for His own sake.

You write that you do not lose hope and do not stop praying that the Lord will grant you a groom. But maybe it's worth it to stop praying about it? Maybe you should forget about your dream, at least for a while? Perhaps one way to get married is to stop wanting it desperately. And it may well be that this will happen when you forget about it. As Nick Vujicic says, let God work in your life. Let this is will come to you.

Freedom… from mom?

Perhaps someone will accuse me of calling for passive doing nothing, but it seems to me that this is a much more productive way than frantic attempts to change your life with some external actions. For example, some psychoanalysts advise single girls who want to find a companion to start by leaving their mother.

I understand what psychoanalysts rely on when they say that we can be dominated by our mother's script and mother's parental egoism, Eric Berne told us about this in detail. But you know, I do not believe that your mother, Elena, is a terry egoist. Most likely, she just loves you and wishes you well. And she would certainly be happy if you had a fiance.

I do not believe that by the very fact of being near you, she “beats off suitors” from you. I also do not believe that you are a dependent, dependent person. Your description of your own life completely refutes this. I don't think that the charm of "female vibes" depends on whether one lady lives or not. Men can be attracted quite apart from that.

I think that living separately from your mother makes sense if you are going to, as they say, “bring grooms home” in the hope that all this will later develop into marriage or into an unexpected pregnancy. But you are not going to do this.

Our independence does not depend on being with us under the same roof of our parents. Especially if the parents are already old, and they need care and care. You can become, excuse me for the expression, a monad, as the respected Olga Gumanova advises, without being separated from your parents. And vice versa - living separately and even getting married, you can not become one.

I know girls who have been living separately from their mothers for a long time and are terribly dependent on them, on their attitudes and on their childhood grievances, which they cannot overcome and forgive in any way. Their mothers still control them and have a colossal influence on them, from which they constantly and unsuccessfully try to free themselves. Instead of relaxing and letting your mom control you. And why not, if it would make her feel better?

It seems to me that one should not break ties with mothers with all the forces of one's soul. Mom should just be sorry. Freedom is not to resist, freedom is to allow and give in, to accept and give in. This is a truly adult position, and resistance and rebellion is the position of a teenager, moreover, not self-confident. "Free the parrots!" - we have already gone through this, we will not step on this rake.

We are still very connected with our mothers. We are flesh of their flesh. You can leave, leave, run away to another planet and still remain the daughter of your mother. And there is no terrible inevitability in this, as it is conceived by God, and therefore, there must be a certain benefit in this.

As Clive Staples Lewis says, psychoanalysis must know its place. It can be used as a kind of crutch, but this crutch should not be presented as the only way to get around. Trying to measure the providence of God with the help of psychoanalysis is the same as trying to cognize the Divine with the help of the tools of an infusorian shoe.

It is naive to think that all this time God did not give Elena a groom for the sole reason that she lives with her mother. And that everything will change completely as soon as she leaves her mother.

You can try to live separately from your mother, especially if circumstances allow. You can make many more different efforts - change your wardrobe, buy cosmetics, start actively smiling at men in case there were any problems with this.

But at the same time, you need to understand that all this may work, or it may not work. You can spend a lot of money on renting an apartment and live, denying yourself the most necessary things. And the bridegroom is still nowhere to be found. There are no guarantees...

In a word, you can follow the path of changing your life circumstances, or you can, without changing your circumstances, try to change yourself. A matter of taste, but the latter way seems to me more productive.

This could be the way out

And I want to tell you one more thing, dear Elena. You mentioned that you would like to adopt a child, but you cannot do it, because your mother is against this idea, and you cannot go against her, because the apartment in which you live belongs to her.

I think it's wrong to disregard mom, no matter whose apartment it is. An adopted child should not bring discord into the family, he should unite it. But the Lord may in due course so dispose the heart of your mother that she will not only stop resisting your desire to adopt a child, but will begin to wait for this child. But for this you definitely have to decide everything for yourself and ask God to help you in this.

Adopting and raising an adopted child seems to me a much more important and exciting matter than giving birth to my own. Because your child is not yet, and these children already are, and they do not have a mother. So why don't you help each other? This is a very godly thing.

The desire to give birth to your child is connected with the maternal instinct on the one hand, and with the fear of death, with the desire to consolidate and continue your life in someone, on the other. The desire to adopt a child is associated with the need to love and share love, regardless of the biological component. And this is much more valuable before God.

But whether we have our own children or someone else's, or there will be none, whether the Lord will give a husband or will insist on the notorious loneliness, our main task is to learn to love Him with all our heart, all mind and thought. Moreover, there is no limit to this study, and there is no such degree of intimacy that could not grow into even greater intimacy, if we want it.

Well, what about grooms? And let the grooms just venerate. Since they want so much...

"If they don't get married..."

In polls about love - what could be more difficult and interesting? Even those who have met a loved one in their lives have questions. For those who haven't met, there are even more questions. Here are just a few of them. Who asks them? A girl who was never bored alone, but who finally matured and thought about whether she would continue to live alone, and if not, how and where to look for that loved one with whom a new life will begin in her own happy family? Of course, you have your own ambiguities and anxieties, and maybe some of your questions are the same as mine. In any case, it becomes easier if there is someone to whom they can be asked.

Some say: "We need to hope and wait, love will come." Others say: “We should not expect favors from nature. Love must be sought and conquered! Do this! You can!" And in the middle you stand and look, as if into a well, into the unknown. Where is he - the person with whom love, children, happiness will come, with whom it will be warm and reliable all his life? Unknown. Will he ever come or is it useless to wait? Unknown. Is it my fault that there is still no love? How to figure it out?

There is an Eastern proverb: when the student is ready, the teacher comes. It is appropriate for many life situations, including the issue of marriage. The desire to get married is nothing more than the desire to be happy, to be realized as a mother, to live in warmth and comfort, to give your love. It is necessary first to cultivate in oneself the correct attitude towards marriage and, according to this tuning fork of correct thoughts, tune one's inner world, one's soul. It makes sense to take care of yourself, to become better, so that the potential husband is as happy as possible, and leave the rest to the will of God. It may happen that the Lord has other thoughts about you, a different share is prepared for you. This will be seen from the circumstances of life, and this will have to be reconciled. But if your share is usual and God has provided a husband for you, and you are still unable to arrange your personal life, then perhaps this is because you are not ready.

I agree that it is hard to wait, and uncertainty torments. But this is from the category of inevitable, so please accept my sympathy and sincere participation. This is the lot of all the daughters of Eve.

Everyone around is getting married, but you are not. Parents’ questions are added to internal questions: “Will we ever have grandchildren or not?” Friends: “Well, how are you? How is your personal life? Let's tell!" Odnoklassniki: “So you didn’t meet anyone? Well, yes, of course, you don’t need to be with anyone ... ”They either respect you or pity you. You yourself know that time, as they say, is passing, and with your inability or unwillingness to get married, you confuse your friends, become some kind of "inconvenient". So you walk alone, as if no one chose you, you barren fig tree. So, there is something wrong with you, and they (men) feel it! Is it true that I am this very fig tree and God does not want someone to be born from me?

You are not a "barren fig tree". I believe that once in your heart the most sacred desire for a woman was born - to give birth, then the Lord of the world and the Master of our life will give you the opportunity to realize this desire. Do not eat yourself up and try to establish an inner distance between yourself and the army of compassionate well-wishers. All these lovers of groaning and clicking their tongues actually only irritate the soul and add suffering. Just ignore it. Everyone has their own life and their own cross, respectively, everyone has enough of their worries.

You need to pray that God will show you your chosen one (chosen one), but how to pray about this? What if God does not want me to have a family? What if I am not fit for a family, or God has some other calling in store for me? Or do you need to pray for what you want anyway?

Earnest prayer tests the degree of desire. It happens that you pray for a long time and come to an internal question: do I need it? This means that by prayer you have discovered in yourself such a depth at which the need has disappeared. If such a desire does not disappear, it means that this is really the need of your whole life. Keep pestering the Lord like a gospel widow (Luke 18:2-5) and do not forget to end the prayer with the words: "not as I want, but as You."

Suppose you met and something arose between you, which makes you want to run through the streets with armfuls of flowers, smile at the sellers in the store, help the elderly and children. What do Christians do in this situation? Can a Christian simply afford to fall in love? Or is it too frivolous?

Kuraev often quotes, as he says, the theologian Winnie the Pooh. I dare to quote Turtle Tortilla:

Young friend, always be young...
... Cry and laugh out of place.
I myself was
Three hundred years ago.

Hold hands, kiss for health, do not cross the known boundaries, not only threatening premature pregnancy, but simply corrupting a person. I agree, the question is subtle and eludes a clear definition. But you can try to find space for natural tenderness that does not turn into sin.

Fornication is condemned because it is fornication. No one really explains what his danger is: why do we definitely need to get married, create a family and give birth, give birth, give birth to children, instead of living “like this” for a while and understanding whether we are good together or not? After all, it’s better to figure it out right away than to make a vow to be together all your life, and then leave?

Love is considered the most beautiful thing on earth, but the love of a Christian seems to impose more obligations on him than it gives pleasure. So love is also hard work? Why create a family if it is not joy, but hopeless work?

First, it is impossible to oppose joy and work. Work and labor are also synonymous with joy. Believe that the Christian ideal present in your soul will not prevent you from living the fullness of marital relations and feeling their exceptional joy. Of course, marriage not only inspires, but also burdens; not only gives rights, but also obliges. But since all this is holy, it is not difficult, and not alien to joy.

The love of Romeo and Juliet - romantic love - nothing for a Christian? How does the Church feel about what is called romance?

We suffer greatly from the disappearance of romantic relationships, from the accessibility and openness of the female body to the whole world, from early awareness of the secrets of sex, from the cynicism and earthiness that people become infected with even at the age of beardless youths. One of the writers, I think Flaubert, said that the longer a woman is desired, the longer the courtship lasts, the longer and stronger she is loved in marriage. The alternative to romanticism is, unfortunately, only that realism, which in practice turns out to be cynicism. Therefore, I am for a romantic renaissance in relations between a man and a woman.

P.S. Since the questions came from the beautiful half of humanity, I want to say goodbye: dear unmarried girls, do not lose heart and do not grieve. Think of marriage as your sacred mission and prepare for it by being cleansed and sanctified by the Christian life and armed with all useful life skills. Pray hard to God. You will have husbands and children. Chin up! And may the blessing of the Lord be upon you.

Dmitry writes: “Hello, dear brothers and sisters. I have a simple but urgent question for you at the same time: Why doesn’t God send love? Meaning, love between a man and a woman. After all, He commanded everyone to love. After all, His Will is for love. I love God, I love my neighbors, and I try to show love to everyone. But I myself am unhappy in love. Why is that so?"

Peace be with you, Dmitry!

Usually this question is asked by women, but here - on the contrary. You know, no matter how, after your question, requests to our site rain down, suggest your email address ...;)

Dimitri, seriously. Yes, God is love, His law is love, and He really commanded us to love. It is very good that you love God and people, serve and live in love. But say you're unhappy in love. That is, you want to meet your soul mate, I understand correctly?

I have a question for you: Do you go to church? Look around, aren't there unmarried sisters, pretenders to the bride? Are your requirements and desires too high? Maybe you invented an unrealistic image of a perfect superwoman for yourself and you don’t find one? I ask you not to be offended by my questions, but to honestly reflect on them. Well, well, perhaps these sisters are not to your liking, perhaps you respect and love them just like sisters, in a friendly way. But there are other cities, and there are churches with sisters who are waiting to meet their future friend for life. Why not go to various seminars and conferences, youth meetings, camps, etc.? Just sit at home waiting for the doorbell to ring - what will happen? We need to act. And most importantly: in your words you are a little offended that God does not give you love. Dmitry, did you talk to God about this? If not, then it's worth doing. Tell the Lord, your Great Friend, what you dream about, what you really want. Ask for the will of God in your life, and for the Lord to reveal it to you, ask for love and wisdom so as not to frustrate God's plans with your hasty decisions or desires. The Lord is ready to help you in everything, because He absolutely loves you. He wants you to be completely happy! He's interested in it!

Prayer and trust in God do wonders. Listen to God, ask Him to instruct you on vital matters (and everything is important), to guide your life, to give new thinking and a fresh, God's view of life, of yourself, of people. For women, specifically.

May the Lord help you, Dmitry! May you be happy in love!

Blessings and joy!

Sincerely,

Read more on the topic "Home and family, marriage":

Good afternoon, our dear visitors!

« It's not good for a person to be alone» (2, Genesis 18-24), “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor: for if one falls, the other will lift up his companion. But woe to one when he falls, and there is no other to lift him up. Also, if two are lying, then they are warm; and how to keep warm alone? (Eccl. 4:9-11).

So how can a person live in our time? Is it worth looking for, by all means, your other half, or is it better to live alone? And what to do if you feel a strong desire to start a family, but the Lord, for some reason unknown to us, does not give us the long-awaited family happiness?

There may be several answers to these questions. And one of them, like this: “And for what, for what purpose, we, in fact, want to create a family?” If we are eager to find our other half in order to become happy ourselves, then, in this case, the Lord will not soon give us the opportunity to create a family.

Why? Because the person who, first of all, seeks happiness in marriage for himself, is not yet ready to create a family, since he will not be able to pull all the hardships of family life, and, therefore, he will be extremely disappointed in family life, as a result What can be infidelity and divorce.

When a person, man or woman, decides to start a family in order to become happy themselves, they are initially set to take, not to give. And family life is a complete surrender of oneself to one's half; this is a constant desire to do everything in your power every day in order to make your half happy!

When a person asks the Lord to grant him long-awaited family happiness, he should be determined that he will daily give his half his love and tenderness; that he will constantly take care of his husband or wife; yield to them in everything; renounce your "I"; fight your egoism; work on your passions; try to improve - in a word - live the life of your half.

When a person realizes that marriage is an everyday work, in the name of the happiness of a person who has become our second half, then, perhaps, the Lord will touch him with His grace, and his eyes will be opened.

And he will see that, it turns out, next to him is that man, or that woman who is intended for him by God, but whom he does not notice, because they are not as beautiful as he would like; not so rich, not so influential; have certain vices and inclinations.

Perhaps our other half is next to us, but we do not want to notice it, because we do not want, we are not ready to serve it, for our common salvation with it. We want something that is not saving and short-term, and therefore the Lord does not give us that long-awaited family happiness, which we so ask Him for, because we are not yet ready to accept it.

After all, what is family life? This is work, and not at all endless fun and joy. And if we aim to become happy ourselves, then what guarantee do we have that the person with whom we want to start a family will always love us?

Indeed, in order to be loved, we ourselves must give our love, and love, as you know: Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not behave violently, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never ceases” (Ap. Paul, 13).

If a person has a strong desire to start a family, then he should ask the Lord to grant him exactly the person who will be pleasing to God, and the marriage with whom the Lord will bless, as the only and saving for both of them.

And when we seek, first of all, the will of God, then the Lord Himself will arrange our lives and give us exactly that person with whom we can only be saved.

Discussion: 2 comments

I met a young man 2 years ago. He confessed his love to me. But I can't answer him the same. He sometimes wrote to me, I answered, he called for a walk, but I refused, because I know that he would think that I liked him. Then I got mad at him when I texted and ignored his messages.
And I thought: what if God wants us to be together? And on the other hand: I don’t love this guy as a man, does God want people to live with the unloved? He will only suffer, knowing that his love is not reciprocated, and it is very difficult for me to be close to him, because I simply do not love him as a man, but I try to love him in a Christian way, i.e. love him like everyone else, for example, those who ask for alms.
I'm afraid that God will tell me that he gives half not for joy and happiness or soul-sex correspondences, but for salvation. But then what, a man should marry the unloved or what? This is a direct road to nowhere ... But what about male-female spiritual-bodily love? She is part of the harmony in the family.

Reply

1. Ekaterina, hello!
   In order to understand your life and understand how to live according to the will of God, you need to church your life. Every morning and evening, read the Morning and Evening Prayers. Go to church every week, and once every 2-3 weeks - go to confession and receive communion. Then your heart will be directed to Heaven, and you will understand through your conscience (which is the voice of God) how to act correctly in certain circumstances.
   God bless you!

   Reply

Peace be with you, Pavel!

He does not give you a wife because you are fornicating.

If you do not first repent before God and do not change your attitude, then what is the point of giving you a spouse? She is also a person and has the right to such a husband as she dreams, and not just wants to be some kind of "substitute" so that you do not fornicate.

Are you a dream husband for believing godly girls?

1 Alleluia.
2 Blessed is the man who fears the Lord and has great love for his commandments.
3 His seed shall be strong in the earth; the generation of the upright will be blessed.
4 Abundance and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever.
5 In the darkness the light rises to the right; he is good and merciful and righteous.
6 A good man shows mercy and lends; he will give firmness to his words in judgment.
7 He will never be shaken; the righteous will be in eternal memory.
8 He will not be afraid of bad news; his heart is strong, trusting in the Lord.
9 His heart is fixed; he will not be afraid when he looks at his enemies.
10 He squandered, gave to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn will be lifted up in glory.
11 The wicked will see [this] and will be vexed, will gnash their teeth and melt. The desire of the wicked will perish.
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Pray and seek change!

Blessings
Victor

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