R. Dilts, T. Hallbom, S. Smith

beliefs and habits. How to change?

To my mother, Patricia, who taught me how to live, to my father, Robert, who taught me how to live, and to my children, Andrew and Julia, who taught me to be myself.

Robert Dilts

Introduction

Change is a multi-level process. We make changes to our environment; we change our behavior, with the help of which we interact with the environment; change the abilities and strategies that control and direct our behavior; changing our beliefs and value systems that motivate and reinforce our world maps and navigation systems; we change our identity by choosing certain values ​​and beliefs in accordance with which we live; we change our attitude to what is bigger than us, to what people often call "spiritual".

This book is about how to have more choices at a certain level of change - at the level of belief. The purpose of this book is to provide the conceptual and interactive tools needed to understand and expand our choices within the belief systems that guide our behavior in the world around us.

This book is written as if the facilitator is addressing a group of seminar participants. The workshop leader will usually be Robert Dilts - the pronoun "I" refers to him. But this book has three authors: Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Susie Smith, and each of us contributed our own ideas, demonstrations, and experiences to it.

I (Robert) first began seriously investigating the process of belief change when my mother had a recurrent breast cancer with extensive metastases and a poor prognosis. In helping her on her dramatic and heroic journey to recovery (some aspects of which are described in the book), I gained a deeper understanding of the connection between beliefs and human health. It has also led to the emergence of additional concepts and methods to achieve holistic, stable and lasting changes in behavior, and therefore in health and well-being.

The roots of the concepts and methods presented in this book are deep and broad, but they are primarily based on the principles and methods of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). The basis of this book is predominantly NLP seminars on beliefs and designed to develop advanced NLP skills.

The book is written in such a way that the reader can feel like a participant in a real seminar. Imagine that you are watching demonstrations with your own eyes, listening to questions and answers, participating in discussions and exercises.

The main purpose of the book is to describe practical methods, to show "how" beliefs can be changed - although I hope you as a reader will also find inspiration in the concepts and examples associated with those people you meet in the pages of the book. Since we began writing this book, many new approaches and methods have emerged in the field of NLP, especially in the field of health work, changing limiting beliefs, and addressing others. serious problems.

Beliefs: Identification and Change

Overview of the first chapter

Model of change in NLP

Additional elements influencing the change process

Belief Types

Pitfalls in Belief Identification

Belief identification

The Structure of Beliefs and Reality

BELIEF: IDENTIFICATION AND CHANGE

In 1982, my mother reached a turning point in her life. A lot has changed. Her youngest son was leaving home, and she had to figure out what his departure meant to her. The law firm my father worked for was going through a reorganization and he was about to go into his own business. Her kitchen, the heart of her home, burned to the ground, and she felt frustrated and overwhelmed because the kitchen was "her place" and, in part, a symbol of her role in our family system. In addition to all this, she was very tired, working as a nurse and helping several doctors. She often said that she to death need a vacation."

And in addition to all these difficult changes in her life, she had a relapse of breast cancer with metastases to the brain, spine, ribs and pelvis. The doctors gave a very poor prognosis and, in fact, said that they were ready to do everything possible "for the sake of her comfort."

My mother and I spent four long days working with her beliefs about herself and her illness. I used all the NLP methods that seemed appropriate to me. For her, it was a very exhausting job. We only took breaks for food and sleep. I helped the mother change many limiting beliefs and integrate the major conflicts that had arisen in her life due to all the life changes that were taking place during that period. As a result of working with her beliefs, she has achieved incredible improvements in her health and has given up chemotherapy, radiation, and other traditional treatments. She lived another twelve years in excellent health, with no further symptoms of cancer. She swam half a mile several times a week and lived a happy full life: she traveled to Europe and even starred in television commercials. She was an inspiration to all of us and showed what people with serious illnesses are really capable of.

The process I did with my mother became the foundation of my NLP models for working with health, beliefs, and belief systems. The models I use now have improved a lot over the last seven years. We will talk about them first of all in this book.

Even before working with my mother, I was very fascinated by belief systems. I have often seen that even after "successful" application of this or that NLP technique, some people do not experience lasting changes. I began to investigate this problem, and it turned out that often these people have some kind of belief that in one way or another prevents the changes that they wanted. Here is one typical example: I was giving a presentation to a group of teachers working with children with special needs. One member of the group raised her hand and said, “You know, I think the NLP strategy for improving spelling is great and I use it with my students. But for me it doesn't work." I checked her words and found that this NLP strategy is actually for her. works. I started teaching her how to spell the word until she could spell it correctly—even backwards. But she doesn't believed that can do this, and thus devalued her new ability. This belief allowed her to reject all evidence that she could actually do it.

Belief systems are the big frame around any of our change work. You can teach a person to write correctly - provided that he is alive and physically able to do it. But if a person thinks that he cannot do something, he will definitely find an unconscious way to stop the process of change. He will find a way to interpret the results according to his beliefs. In order to get that teacher to use the spelling improvement strategy, her belief system had to be worked on first.

Model of change in NLP

In dealing with any limiting belief, our goal is to move from current state V desired state. The first and most important step is to identify the desired state. What is needed here is a clear presentation of the result. For example, if you are working with a smoker, you should ask him to describe who he will be and what he will do in relationships with others, at work, on vacation, and so on, when he no longer smokes. If you helped a person describe the result, then you have already started the process of change, because the brain is a cybernetic mechanism. This means that as soon as a goal is clear to a person, the brain organizes his unconscious behavior in such a way as to achieve it. He begins to automatically receive self-correcting feedback to help him stay on track.

I'll give an example of how it works. In 1953, an Eastern University student wrote a thesis on goal setting. He found that only 3 percent of his classmates had a written plan of life goals. Twenty years later, in 1973, another student contacted the 1953 alumni (survivors) and discovered that those 3 percent of students who had written goals were earning more than all their other classmates combined. Here is an example of how the brain organizes our behavior to achieve a goal.

R. Dilts, T. Hallbom, S. Smith

beliefs and habits. How to change?

To my mother, Patricia, who taught me how to live, to my father, Robert, who taught me how to live, and to my children, Andrew and Julia, who taught me to be myself.

Robert Dilts

Introduction

Change is a multi-level process. We make changes to our environment; we change our behavior, with the help of which we interact with the environment; change the abilities and strategies that control and direct our behavior; changing our beliefs and value systems that motivate and reinforce our world maps and navigation systems; we change our identity by choosing certain values ​​and beliefs in accordance with which we live; we change our attitude to what is bigger than us, to what people often call "spiritual".

This book is about how to have more choices at a certain level of change - at the level of belief. The purpose of this book is to provide the conceptual and interactive tools needed to understand and expand our choices within the belief systems that guide our behavior in the world around us.

This book is written as if the facilitator is addressing a group of seminar participants. The workshop leader will usually be Robert Dilts - the pronoun "I" refers to him. But this book has three authors: Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Susie Smith, and each of us contributed our own ideas, demonstrations, and experiences to it.

I (Robert) first began seriously investigating the process of belief change when my mother had a recurrent breast cancer with extensive metastases and a poor prognosis. In helping her on her dramatic and heroic journey to recovery (some aspects of which are described in the book), I gained a deeper understanding of the connection between beliefs and human health. It has also led to the emergence of additional concepts and methods to achieve holistic, stable and lasting changes in behavior, and therefore in health and well-being.

The roots of the concepts and methods presented in this book are deep and broad, but they are primarily based on the principles and methods of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). The basis of this book is predominantly NLP seminars on beliefs and designed to develop advanced NLP skills.

The book is written in such a way that the reader can feel like a participant in a real seminar. Imagine that you are watching demonstrations with your own eyes, listening to questions and answers, participating in discussions and exercises.

The main purpose of the book is to describe practical methods, to show "how" beliefs can be changed - although I hope you as a reader will also find inspiration in the concepts and examples associated with those people you meet in the pages of the book. Since we began writing this book, many new approaches and methods have emerged in the field of NLP, especially in the area of ​​health, changing limiting beliefs, and tackling other serious problems.

1 Beliefs: identification and change

Overview of the first chapter

Model of change in NLP

Additional elements influencing the change process

Belief Types

Pitfalls in Belief Identification

Belief identification

The Structure of Beliefs and Reality

BELIEF: IDENTIFICATION AND CHANGE

In 1982, my mother reached a turning point in her life. A lot has changed. Her youngest son was leaving home, and she had to figure out what his departure meant to her. The law firm my father worked for was going through a reorganization and he was about to go into his own business. Her kitchen, the heart of her home, burned to the ground, and she felt frustrated and overwhelmed because the kitchen was "her place" and, in part, a symbol of her role in our family system. In addition to all this, she was very tired, working as a nurse and helping several doctors. She often said that she to death need a vacation."

We have the power to change habits, forgive old hurts, and let go of established beliefs. The internal and external aspects that help us deal with this are what expert Marshall Goldsmith calls triggers. What is it, where do they come from and how can one become a trigger for changes in social attitudes?

Beliefs that inhibit behavior change

During his 12 years as mayor of New York, from 2001 to 2013, Michael Bloomberg was a tireless "social engineer", always trying to change people's behavior for the better (as he understood it). The goal of all his actions - from a ban on smoking in public places to a decree that all municipal vehicles should switch to a hybrid engine - was the improvement of society. Near the end of his third and final term, in 2012, he decided to fight the childhood obesity epidemic by limiting sugary drinks sold to 450ml. One can argue about the merits of Bloomberg's idea and its implications for some loopholes in the law. But reducing childhood obesity is a good thing in principle. Bloomberg tried to somehow change the circumstances that provoke people to consume too many sugary drinks. His logic was undeniable: if consumers, like movie goers, weren't offered a 900-ml glass of soda that was only a few cents more expensive than a 450-ml glass, they would buy a smaller glass and absorb less sugar. He did not forbid people to drink as much as they wanted (they could buy two large glasses). He was trying to put up a little barrier to change people's behavior, like closing a door so that customers would knock before entering.

Personally, I will not comment on this. (I'm not here to judge anyone. My mission is to help people become who they want to be, not to tell them what their dreams are.) I watched Bloomberg's plan come to fruition, as an exceptional example of our stubborn resistance to change. I love New York, and its wonderful people did not let us down. People quickly rebuffed the “nanny state”: “When did it occur to this Bloomberg to teach me how to live?” Local politicians disputed the proposal because they were not consulted. They hated the mayor's bossy ways. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People disputed the proposal, citing the hypocrisy of the mayor's office, which imposes a ban on soda, reducing the budget for physical education in schools. The owners of the so-called family shops retail opposed the project because the ban did not apply to large stores, which now could take the "family" out of the game. John Stewart ridiculed the mayor because the $200 fine for selling illegal soda was double the fine for selling marijuana.

And so on. Eventually, after a flurry of lawsuits, the court struck down the law as "arbitrary and self-willed." The bottom line, I think, is that even when the individual or social benefits of pattern change are undeniable, we are adept at making excuses and avoiding change. It is much easier and more fun to attack a person who is trying to help than to try to solve a problem. Our mind becomes even more inventive when it's our turn to change our behavior. We end up with a set of beliefs that provokes denial, resistance, and ultimately self-deception. They are even more pernicious than excuses. An excuse is a convenient explanation we use when we disappoint others. It is not just suitable for the occasion, it is often invented "on the spot". We don't go to the gym because "it's boring" or we're "too busy". We were late for work because of "traffic jams" or "there was no one to leave the child with." We hurt someone because we "didn't have a choice". These excuses are essentially variations on the "dog ate my homework" theme. We say them so often that it's hard to understand why anyone else believes us (even when we're telling the truth).

How the trigger works

We always have a choice. This is not so obvious when it comes to the trigger and our response to it. The terms "trigger" and "response" suggest a continuous sequence from stimulus to response without any room for doubt, reflection or choice. Is it true? Are we really that easily succumbed to provocations? How does the trigger actually work within us? Are there any intermediate stages between it and behavior? If yes, what are they? When I was doing my doctorate at the University of California, Los Angeles, the classic workflow for analyzing problem behavior in children was known as PPP - Presupposition, Behavior, Consequence.

A premise is a stimulus that directly elicits a behavior. Behavior creates consequences. A typical example: a student draws pictures instead of working on an assignment. The teacher asks him to complete the task (the request becomes a prerequisite). The child reacts with an outburst of anger (behavior). The teacher answers - sends the student to the director (consequence). This is the PPP chain: the teacher's request - the child's anger - "march to the director!" Armed with this scheme, after several episodes of this kind, the teacher concludes that the child is going for this trick so as not to answer at the blackboard.

When we talk about changing behavior in society, we add a complex formation in the form of other people. Our response to a trigger may not always be automatic, thoughtless, or habitual. We must think about how people will react to our actions. The nail doesn't care if it's bitten off or left alone. A glass of wine does not think about whether they will drink it or put it aside. The cigarette is indifferent to our craving to smoke it. But the people around us are interested in whether we give in to the first unwanted impulse (for example, rudeness, cruelty, rage) or stifle this impulse and make the best choice. If we add people to the schema, habits will not be able to direct our behavior in the right direction. We must adapt, not become accustomed - because the stakes are high. If I give in to my thirst and smoke a cigarette, I will hurt myself. If I lose my temper in the presence of a child, I will harm him.

I want to propose a modification of the chain "premise - behavior - consequence", adding awareness and an infinitesimal stop. My chain looks like this: Trigger → Impulse, Awareness, Choice → Behavior.

I singled out three moments - first impulse, then awareness, then choice. They fill the critical space between the trigger and our behavior. These moments are so fleeting that we sometimes can't separate them from what we think of as "patterns." But experience and common sense tell us that they are real. When the trigger is activated, we have an impulse to behave in a certain way. This is why some people duck their heads to protect themselves when they hear a loud sound behind them. Even the most vigilant among us are not quick enough to hide. We hear a sound and look around to see if there is any danger. The same trigger, different reactions - one reflex and swift (impulsive, that is, involuntary), the other - weighted, which allows you to take a break, look around and weed out bad options. After all, we are not primitive molluscs that twitch in response to a needle prick. We have nerve cells. We can think. We can make any impulse stop for a moment while we make the choice to obey or ignore it. We don't make choices because our instincts dictate. Our choice is evidence of intelligence and responsibility. In other words, we participate in the process.

For example, in 2007 I was a guest on the Sunday show Today hosted by Lester Holt. Guests are warned that airtime passes very quickly - six minutes feels like six seconds. This is true. My interview went well. I was so pleased with myself that I was even surprised when Lester began to thank me for coming to the program, the traditional signal that an episode was coming to an end. I could not believe it. After all, I've only just begun. I still had half a dozen ideas left to come up with. Lester's words made me want to say, "No, let's continue." These words were ready to come out of my mouth. But I was on national television, in front of four million viewers. I was excited, but carefully chose my words and gestures. A nanosecond before the stupid phrase escaped my lips, I paused to consider the consequences. Was I ready to tell the host that I didn't want to end the interview? Would I like to abuse hospitality? I eventually took Lester's signal and responded with a formulaic "Thank you for having me."

If we pay attention to something (and national television will raise the level of awareness of what is happening in anyone), the trigger goes off. The higher the awareness, the less likely that any provocation, even in the most ordinary circumstances, will cause hasty, thoughtless behavior that will lead to undesirable consequences. We will not trust the autopilot, we will slow down to think and make an intelligent choice.

How to become a trigger

Nadeem is a London executive who let his rival Simon bully him. (It is discussed in the third chapter of the book. - Note ed.) I promised to finish this story. Nadim plunged headlong into the process of change with high motivation. He did everything I asked him to. He stood in front of the 18 people who participated in the round-robin and apologized for his behavior. He promised to change for the better. He asked everyone not to be shy and tell him if he would return to the old patterns of behavior. He wanted their help. He also tried to build a positive relationship with Simon, although reluctantly at first. An old feud was resurfacing.

We need to meet each other, - Nadim told me. Simon needs to change too.

Simon is not your responsibility, I protested. You can only control your own behavior.

Why do I have to do all the work? If he doesn't put in the effort, to hell with him.

Do 80% of the job, I said. - Let's see what happens.

Nadeem agreed, and at the very top of his list of daily questions, he put the question: "Did I try to meet Simon's 80%?"

He first apologized to Simon, telling his imaginary nemesis, “Whatever I've done in the past, I'm sorry. Our cooperation did not develop, and I bear responsibility for this. Starting today, I will be better.” This is how change begins - with involvement in the process of improvement and informing others about it. As Nadeem's mentor, I called him regularly to report on his progress. Keep in mind that all of this happened when Nadeem was running a twenty-billion-dollar branch of the company, and he had 10,000 subordinates. He had a family, he traveled around the UK and Europe, he had obligations to the company, he was a member of several boards outside of it. He was a busy man. Keeping this in mind was not easy for him. But he had an executive director and a head of human resources - they were the ones who hired me. They also kept a close eye on his progress. Whatever his daily responsibilities, he had enough motivation to solve "Simon's problem." He firmly believed that this was important to him, as he wanted to be an example for the company.

It didn't surprise me at all that Nadim got better. All structural motivators were in place, including regular reporting. The surprise was how quickly the "Simon problem" vanished: in just six months. (Think of deep resentments against family members, friends and colleagues, people you pass in the hallway without saying hello. Think of those you cannot forgive, whom you refuse to talk to and even deleted your phone number. Are you ready to get rid of your resentment "Could you do it in half a year? How about six years?) It was such an amazing success that Margot, head of human resources, asked him to talk about it with direct reports and senior managers. I wasn't in London at the time, but Margo told me everything.

Asked how he did it, Nadim told the group, “I really tried to make contact. I have done my best to create a good relationship. Tried harder than Simon." Then he opened the letter he had received from Simon that morning and read it aloud as evidence that the two men had reached a complete understanding. "We practically read each other's minds," he said. Someone from the audience asked: “What would you do differently?” “I wouldn't stop at 80%,” Nadeem replied. - I would go all out. I realized that if I change my behavior, then I change the people around me. If I had gone for broke, we would have become friends even sooner.”

As I was told, everyone in the room shed a tear. The ideal option is not to settle for "good enough". When we plunge headlong into behavior change with 100% focus and energy, we become more of an unstoppable force than the proverbial “lying stone.” We start to change environment and not change under its influence. People around us feel it. We become the trigger.

Current page: 1 (total book has 14 pages) [accessible reading excerpt: 8 pages]

Abstract

Unhealthy beliefs that promote smoking and overeating, allergies and phobias, cancer and dangerous immune disorders must be eliminated as soon as possible. With this difficult task, the latest book by Robert Dilts, the genius of neuro-linguistic programming, and his co-authors will help to cope with this difficult task.

The publication is addressed to everyone who wants, using proven effective methods, to change their lives and the lives of loved ones for the better.

Translation: A. Stativka

R. Dilts, T. Hallbom, S. Smith

Introduction

R. Dilts, T. Hallbom, S. Smith

beliefs and habits. How to change?

To my mother, Patricia, who taught me how to live, to my father, Robert, who taught me how to live, and to my children, Andrew and Julia, who taught me to be myself.

Robert Dilts

Introduction

Change is a multi-level process. We make changes to our environment; we change our behavior, with the help of which we interact with the environment; change the abilities and strategies that control and direct our behavior; changing our beliefs and value systems that motivate and reinforce our world maps and navigation systems; we change our identity by choosing certain values ​​and beliefs in accordance with which we live; we change our attitude to what is bigger than us, to what people often call "spiritual".

This book is about how to have more choices at a certain level of change - at the level of belief. The purpose of this book is to provide the conceptual and interactive tools needed to understand and expand our choices within the belief systems that guide our behavior in the world around us.

This book is written as if the facilitator is addressing a group of seminar participants. The workshop leader will usually be Robert Dilts - the pronoun "I" refers to him. But this book has three authors: Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Susie Smith, and each of us contributed our own ideas, demonstrations, and experiences to it.

I (Robert) first began seriously investigating the process of belief change when my mother had a recurrent breast cancer with extensive metastases and a poor prognosis. In helping her on her dramatic and heroic journey to recovery (some aspects of which are described in the book), I gained a deeper understanding of the connection between beliefs and human health. It has also led to the emergence of additional concepts and methods to achieve holistic, stable and lasting changes in behavior, and therefore in health and well-being.

The roots of the concepts and methods presented in this book are deep and broad, but they are primarily based on the principles and methods of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). The basis of this book is predominantly NLP seminars on beliefs and designed to develop advanced NLP skills.

The book is written in such a way that the reader can feel like a participant in a real seminar. Imagine that you are watching demonstrations with your own eyes, listening to questions and answers, participating in discussions and exercises.

The main purpose of the book is to describe practical methods, to show "how" beliefs can be changed - although I hope you as a reader will also find inspiration in the concepts and examples associated with those people you meet in the pages of the book. Since we began writing this book, many new approaches and methods have emerged in the field of NLP, especially in the area of ​​health, changing limiting beliefs, and tackling other serious problems.

1 Beliefs: identification and change

Overview of the first chapter

Model of change in NLP

Additional elements influencing the change process

Belief Types

Pitfalls in Belief Identification

Belief identification

The Structure of Beliefs and Reality

BELIEF: IDENTIFICATION AND CHANGE

In 1982, my mother reached a turning point in her life. A lot has changed. Her youngest son was leaving home, and she had to figure out what his departure meant to her. The law firm my father worked for was going through a reorganization and he was about to go into his own business. Her kitchen, the heart of her home, burned to the ground, and she felt frustrated and overwhelmed because the kitchen was "her place" and, in part, a symbol of her role in our family system. In addition to all this, she was very tired, working as a nurse and helping several doctors. She often said that she to death need a vacation."

And in addition to all these difficult changes in her life, she had a relapse of breast cancer with metastases to the brain, spine, ribs and pelvis. The doctors gave a very poor prognosis and, in fact, said that they were ready to do everything possible "for the sake of her comfort."

My mother and I spent four long days working with her beliefs about herself and her illness. I used all the NLP methods that seemed appropriate to me. For her, it was a very exhausting job. We only took breaks for food and sleep. I helped the mother change many limiting beliefs and integrate the major conflicts that had arisen in her life due to all the life changes that were taking place during that period. As a result of working with her beliefs, she has achieved incredible improvements in her health and has given up chemotherapy, radiation, and other traditional treatments. She lived another twelve years in excellent health, with no further symptoms of cancer. She swam half a mile several times a week and lived a happy full life: she traveled to Europe and even starred in television commercials. She was an inspiration to all of us and showed what people with serious illnesses are really capable of.

The process I did with my mother became the foundation of my NLP models for working with health, beliefs, and belief systems. The models I use now have improved a lot over the last seven years. We will talk about them first of all in this book.

Even before working with my mother, I was very fascinated by belief systems. I have often seen that even after "successful" application of this or that NLP technique, some people do not experience lasting changes. I began to investigate this problem, and it turned out that often these people have some kind of belief that in one way or another prevents the changes that they wanted. Here is one typical example: I was giving a presentation to a group of teachers working with children with special needs. One member of the group raised her hand and said, “You know, I think the NLP strategy for improving spelling is great and I use it with my students. But for me it doesn't work." I checked her words and found that this NLP strategy is actually for her. works. I started teaching her how to spell the word until she could spell it correctly—even backwards. But she doesn't believed that can do this, and thus devalued her new ability. This belief allowed her to reject all evidence that she could actually do it. Belief systems are a big frame around any of our work of change. You can teach a person to write correctly - provided that he is alive and physically able to do it. But if a person thinks that he cannot do something, he will definitely find an unconscious way to stop the process of change. He will find a way to interpret the results according to his beliefs. In order to get that teacher to use the spelling improvement strategy, her belief system had to be worked on first.

Model of change in NLP

In dealing with any limiting belief, our goal is to move from current state V desired state. The first and most important step is to identify the desired state. What is needed here is a clear presentation of the result. For example, if you are working with a smoker, you should ask him to describe who he will be and what he will do in relationships with others, at work, on vacation, and so on, when he no longer smokes. If you helped a person describe the result, then you have already started the process of change, because the brain is a cybernetic mechanism. This means that as soon as a goal is clear to a person, the brain organizes his unconscious behavior in such a way as to achieve it. He begins to automatically receive self-correcting feedback to help him stay on track.

I'll give an example of how it works. In 1953, an Eastern University student wrote a thesis on goal setting. He found that only 3 percent of his classmates had a written plan of life goals. Twenty years later, in 1973, another student contacted the 1953 alumni (survivors) and discovered that those 3 percent of students who had written goals were earning more than all their other classmates combined. Here is an example of how the brain organizes our behavior to achieve a goal.

Once you've identified what you want, you can start gathering information about your current situation—your current state. By comparing the current state with the desired state, you can determine what abilities and resources you need to achieve the desired state.

The formula for change

I would like to present a simple change formula developed in NLP:

Current (problem) state + Resource = Desired state

This is the basic process we use with any of the NLP techniques developed over the last seventeen years. In working with another person, it is sometimes difficult to add resources to the current state - something in his thinking prevents this. Then we get the following model:

Current State + Resources = Desired State

(including limiting beliefs and/or internal conflicts)

Interference identification and work with them

I sometimes jokingly refer to interference as "inside terrorists" who sabotage all of our efforts. Unfortunately, it is impossible to go and arrest a “terrorist”, because this is a part of us that needs not to be destroyed, but to be developed and integrated. Think of interference as a message that, before moving in the direction of the desired state, you first need to find another set of resources.

The most common type of interference is interference that exists inside person. Sometimes people try to get some desired result, but do not realize that they are getting some benefit from the problem they are trying to solve. Let me give you some examples of how this works.

It is difficult for a woman to lose weight because she is afraid that if she does, she will become sexually attractive. Losing weight in such a situation will cause anxiety, because she does not know if she can successfully cope with such situations.

When, when sick, a person receives a certain type of attention from family members that he does not receive in normal condition, This may be the motivation for illness. When everything is fine with him, he feels that he is taken for granted and not given the attention he needs.

I once worked with a client who had liver cancer. When I asked if there were any "parts" that objected to getting well, he felt insecure. One "part" of him was worried because he recently gathered all his friends for a big farewell party where everyone poured out their hearts and cried. This “part” felt that if he got well, he would not be able to live in a way that would fit all these beautiful and deep emotions. His later life cannot be compared with this "peak experience" associated with the possibility of imminent death. Failure to match this "peak experience" was a hindrance. Before adding other resources, he needed to deal with it.

Interference can take one of three forms. First, some "part" of the personality can do not want changes. Often a person is not aware of the presence of this “part”. I once worked with a client who wanted to quit smoking, and all the "parts" he was aware of agreed to do so. However, we found an unconscious “part” of the “fifteen-year-old” client who believed that quitting smoking would turn him into a conformist. If he quit smoking, he would no longer be himself. We needed to take care of this identity issue before offering him more adequate ways to stay independent. To create change, you need to congruently want these changes.

The second type of interference is when a person does not knows how create a representation of the change or how it would behave if it did change. You need to know how to move from the current state to the desired state. I once worked with a boy who had an auditory spelling strategy and therefore could not write correctly. He tried to do this by saying the words out loud. Of course, at the same time, he wrote with errors, because in order to write correctly, you need to see the word and feel the feeling of “familiar” or “unfamiliar”. I showed him a visual NLP spelling strategy that allowed know how write correctly.

This brings us to the third kind of interference. Man must give himself chance use new skills. There are several common ways people don't give themselves a chance to change.

We often need space and time for change to occur. If someone tries an effective weight loss strategy and doesn't see results in a few days, then they're not giving themselves a chance to change. So just by giving ourselves time, we give ourselves the chance we need.

Here is another example chance: Tim Hallbom and Susie Smith once spoke with a graduate professor about how to help people create change in their lives. The teacher said: “I read about the NLP method of working with phobias in the book Use your brain but I would never use it, because it is just an “instant remedy” that provides only a temporary solution to the problem.” She believed that long-term change was only possible through a long and painful process. Tim and Susie responded, “We have used this process many times and have seen results last for many years.” She said, “I don't care how long it lasts; This doesn't matter temporary solution to the problem. This teacher wanted help people more effectively, but could not learn how to , how to do it because I didn't give myself chance due to inflexible and limiting beliefs about how change should occur.

To create changes, you need:

1. Identify the current state.

2. Identify the desired state.

3. Identify the appropriate resources (internal states, physiology, information or skills) that are needed to move from the current state to the desired state.4. Eliminate any interference with these resources.

Necessary want change know how change and give yourself chance change 1.

Additional elements influencing the change process

There are four additional element, which influence the process of change and are associated with the desire to change, knowing how to change, and the willingness to give yourself a chance to change. These elements are: 1) physiology, 2) strategies, 3) congruence, and 4) belief systems. Any change we make is affected in one way or another by each of these elements. Let me list them:

Physiology and strategies are related to "knowing How". Like us create one behavior or another?

Congruence and beliefs are associated with desire do something or give yourself chance do it. Here you need complete inner consent and the absence of the need to fight with yourself or with other people in order to achieve what you want. It is also necessary to believe that it is possible for us.

1. Physiology

Physiology, in the sense I use the term, is about accessing the right states in our body to enable physiological processes in the right modality (i.e., sight, hearing, sensation) to do something. Let me give you a few examples of what I call physiology.

I studied speed reading for many years and found that those who read the fastest make the most of physiology. One person I have studied prepares to read in the following way: he takes a book, puts it on the table and steps back, as if about to “attack” it. He walks up to her, picks her up, quickly turns her over and steps back again. Only after that did he really starts reading. He cracks his knuckles, unbuttons his collar, takes a deep breath, picks up the book again, sinks into the chair, and quickly begins to read. Try it all - it's amazing. Once you've gone through all this "preparation" process, it's impossible to read slowly! On the other hand, if you're trying to speed read, pick up a book (inhale...), sit relaxed, lean back in your chair... then it will be much more difficult for you to read quickly.

Here is another example. When you teach a person to visualize, you may have to do more than ask them to imagine a picture as part of the change process. You may also have to get him the appropriate physiology. For example, if a woman says she doesn't know why she can't imagine a picture, pay attention to her posture. If she is leaning back and breathing deeply in a kinesthetic position, or tilting her head down and to the left, then it is not surprising that she cannot create a visual image - her body is in a posture associated with sensations and hearing, and not with visual images.

My metaphor for physiology (which includes subtle physiological changes, such as when the eyes move up to see a picture and when they move down to feel sensations or hear something) is that of a radio tuner. The receiver in the room you are in right now can pick up many radio stations operating on different wavelengths. The radio receiver has special devices that allow it to receive these waves. But when you tune your radio to a specific wave, like 97.5 FM, it cuts out other frequencies and only picks up that wave with minimal interference.

Humans are pretty much the same. If I want to create an internal image, I look up and to the right, begin to breathe more shallowly, and my body moves to assume a more upright posture. As a result, I can create an image.

Sometimes when we tune the receiver to the third channel, there is interference from the fourth channel. Sometimes it happens in our minds too. We have an image of what we want, but the wrong voice is “attached” to this image; this voice says, "No, you can't do that." Thus, there is noise from another channel - from our auditory canal. Using physiology correctly, you can do certain actions and get the result that we want.

2. Strategies

In NLP, "strategies" describe how people arrange their internal and external sights, sounds, feelings, smells, and tastes to create a belief, behavior, or thought pattern. (We call the five senses representations, or modalities. We are not able to experience the world directly - we "represent" it through internal sights, sounds, voices, and kinesthetic sensations.) An effective strategy uses the most appropriate representations in the sequence that makes it easiest to achieve the goal.

For example, if our goal is to spell a word correctly, good spellers almost always recreate an image of the word and then check with their senses to make sure that image is “correct.” Those who write poorly use ineffective strategies, such as trying to say a word out loud or constructing an image of a word based on how it sounds. None of these strategies help write well.

In speed reading, if a person speaks words to himself, his reading speed will be limited by how fast he can pronounce the words. Regardless of his psychological state, he will soon reach top speed. If he pronounces the words to himself instead of seeing them, he will read more slowly because the words are in a certain sequence. To read faster, you need to see the words and directly create images of what they mean.

One thing that makes a person a good athlete or a good dancer is the ability to watch another person do something and then repeat it yourself. It may seem that such people just have very good coordination. Why do they have good coordination? They have a mental map - a certain sequence of representations and submodalities. (Submodalities are the qualities or constituents within each modality. For example, the submodalities of the visual representational system are brightness, clarity, size, location, and focus; in the auditory system, the volume, tempo, and localization of sound; in the kinesthetic system, the pressure or duration of touch. Changing submodalities or the sequence of representations changes the subjective perception of any event, often in a dramatic way).

We all have “talents”, not because we are smarter than others or because we have good genetics, but because we can create stable representations of certain skills or behavior patterns and do it quickly and efficiently. To illustrate, think of some school subject that came easily to you and for which you had the ability. Then remember the subject that was difficult for you. Notice the differences in how you represent each one. "Talent" is related to the strategy you used.

3. Congruence

Congruence occurs when we both consciously and unconsciously strive for some outcome or behavior. Eating well and maintaining a normal weight is easy if all of our “parts” want it, if we use physiology correctly and we have good strategies choice and consumption of food. But it is very difficult if we are worried that if we eat right, our lives will become less enjoyable. You can maintain the right physiology and learn the most effective strategies, but we still won’t eat right if we don’t really want to.

It is because of incongruence that it is often so difficult to change some patterns of behavior. with problems such as smoking, alcohol abuse, excess weight and so on, not easy to manage because one "part" wants to change, and another "part" (often unconscious) benefits in some way from the behavior we want to change.

I once worked with a woman who wanted to lose weight. I asked her: “What will happen if you become thin again?” She replied: “I know exactly what will happen. I will again become like a beauty queen, as when I did not love myself. It is not surprising that she tried to lose weight for many years and could not do it. When she was a beauty queen, she wasn't in control of her own life. The ability to eat what you want, when you want, was for her a symbol of control over her own life. Being skinny meant that someone else was in control of everything she did and was judging her. For her, the question turned out to be much deeper than "just lose weight."

When we invest our resources and energy in a goal for which we are not congruent, some "part" of us will resist change and nullify it. Above, I jokingly called this part "internal terrorist." If you're congruent with what you want, it's much easier to find different ways get there.

If you are within a larger system, such as working for a large corporation, and there is an incongruity in the goals or values ​​of the people working in it, then any project you try to carry out will become a breeding ground for conflict. If the company lacks congruence, you can hire the best people, contact the best consultants, buy the best equipment, buy the best educational materials but still not getting the desired results.

Internal conflicts (incongruences) take the most different forms. It could be congruence issues between what we must do, and the fact that we want to do. For example, we may think that must quit smoking for medical reasons, but in fact we want keep smoking because it's the only thing we do for ourselves.

There may be congruence issues in what we we can do or can't do. Do you know that you can ask your boss for a raise because you think you deserve it, but you can not force yourself to do it. "I can't" beliefs are often harder to identify than "should" beliefs because the person is telling you, "Yes, I really want do it, just me I can not". It seems that at the same time, the person is congruent (first of all, it seems to him himself), but something prevents him from doing what he wants. At the same time, it seems to a person that he is sabotaging himself from the inside. (There is a "terrorist"). “I can’t” beliefs are usually based on unconscious imprints. We will talk about imprints in Chapter 4.

4. Beliefs and belief systems

Beliefs are one of the larger structures that guide behavior. When we truly believe in something, we will act in accordance with that belief. There are several types of beliefs that we need to reach our desired goal.

One type of such belief is called expectation of the result (outcome expectancy). This means that we believe that our goal is achievable. In relation to health, this means that we believe that a person Maybe defeat diseases such as cancer. If a person does not believe that a goal is achievable (for example, victory over a disease), he experiences hopelessness. And when a person experiences hopelessness, he does not take appropriate measures in order to recover.

No expectation of outcome = Hopelessness

Another type of belief is called self-efficacy expectancy 2. This means that we believe that the result is achievable and us has everything you need to reach your goal. In relation to health, this means that we believe that we have all the necessary resources in order to heal ourselves (even if we believe that we must reorganize these resources). The person may think that the goal is achievable for others(that is, in principle, a person can defeat cancer, but not on his own). If a person believes that he does not have what he needs for healing, as a rule, he has a feeling of helplessness. No amount of expectation of self-efficacy can overcome feelings of helplessness, and helplessness also leads to inaction.

No expectation of self-efficacy = Helplessness

Both of these types of beliefs are important and motivate to act, to take action in order to get well. But if a person experiences And hopelessness, And helplessness, he falls into apathy. If his disease is potentially life-threatening, it can become a serious problem. When you work with another person's beliefs, you may have to face one or both of these beliefs.

If a person is asked to rate their expectation of outcome and/or their expectation of self-efficacy, inconsistencies can be found. For example, when you ask, "Do you think you can get better?" the person might say, "Of course," while shaking their head non-verbally in disagreement. If you work with a person only on the basis that he speaks then skip half the message. When someone offers you such an incongruent message, you need to work with conflicting beliefs using the NLP process called conflict integration(we will discuss this in Chapter 5) to first create the appropriate expectation and self-efficacy beliefs.

Anticipation of a reaction and the placebo effect

Another belief that is useful to know about is called Response Expectancy. Waiting for a reaction 3 - what we expect to happen to us, positive or negative, as a result of our actions in this situation. Good example anticipation of a reaction is the placebo effect.

The placebo effect occurs when a person responds positively to a physiologically neutral "medicine" - a chalk pill, a milk capsule, a sugar pill, or some other inert ingredient. You give a person a placebo and say it will have some effect, and of course it often does. Placebo often has a very high success rate. On average, it works as well as real drugs in about one-third of cases.

Years ago, I had to go through quite a lot of research on this subject because Bandler and Grinder wanted to bring placebos to market. They planned to bottle it, and the label would honestly say "Placebo." The bottle was supposed to come with a small booklet that said the placebo had been proven effective in treating various diseases in "X" number of cases. Below was a list, and you could find your disease in it and find out what your chances of success were according to statistics.

My research has yielded some interesting results. In the case of pain, studies have shown that a placebo can work as well as morphine in 51-70% of cases4. Another study looked at placebo from the opposite perspective5. Its authors wanted to find out how well the placebo patients responded to the real drugs and gave them morphine. They found that 95% of those who had previously taken a placebo responded positively to morphine. In comparison, only 54% of those who did not respond to placebo experienced relief after taking morphine - 41%. People with a high expectation of a relief response actually experienced relief. Given these data, one can only guess about the effectiveness of some drugs.

R. Dilts, T. Hallbom, S. Smith

beliefs and habits. How to change?

To my mother, Patricia, who taught me how to live, to my father, Robert, who taught me how to live, and to my children, Andrew and Julia, who taught me to be myself.

Robert Dilts

Introduction

Change is a multi-level process. We make changes to our environment; we change our behavior, with the help of which we interact with the environment; change the abilities and strategies that control and direct our behavior; changing our beliefs and value systems that motivate and reinforce our world maps and navigation systems; we change our identity by choosing certain values ​​and beliefs in accordance with which we live; we change our attitude to what is bigger than us, to what people often call "spiritual".

This book is about how to have more choices at a certain level of change - at the level of belief. The purpose of this book is to provide the conceptual and interactive tools needed to understand and expand our choices within the belief systems that guide our behavior in the world around us.

This book is written as if the facilitator is addressing a group of seminar participants. The workshop leader will usually be Robert Dilts - the pronoun "I" refers to him. But this book has three authors: Robert Dilts, Tim Hallbom, and Susie Smith, and each of us contributed our own ideas, demonstrations, and experiences to it.

I (Robert) first began seriously investigating the process of belief change when my mother had a recurrent breast cancer with extensive metastases and a poor prognosis. In helping her on her dramatic and heroic journey to recovery (some aspects of which are described in the book), I gained a deeper understanding of the connection between beliefs and human health. It has also led to the emergence of additional concepts and methods to achieve holistic, stable and lasting changes in behavior, and therefore in health and well-being.

The roots of the concepts and methods presented in this book are deep and broad, but they are primarily based on the principles and methods of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). The basis of this book is predominantly NLP seminars on beliefs and designed to develop advanced NLP skills.

The book is written in such a way that the reader can feel like a participant in a real seminar. Imagine that you are watching demonstrations with your own eyes, listening to questions and answers, participating in discussions and exercises.

The main purpose of the book is to describe practical methods, to show "how" beliefs can be changed - although I hope you as a reader will also find inspiration in the concepts and examples associated with those people you meet in the pages of the book. Since we began writing this book, many new approaches and methods have emerged in the field of NLP, especially in the area of ​​health, changing limiting beliefs, and tackling other serious problems.

Beliefs: Identification and Change

Overview of the first chapter

Model of change in NLP

Additional elements influencing the change process

Belief Types

Pitfalls in Belief Identification

Belief identification

The Structure of Beliefs and Reality

BELIEF: IDENTIFICATION AND CHANGE

In 1982, my mother reached a turning point in her life. A lot has changed. Her youngest son was leaving home, and she had to figure out what his departure meant to her. The law firm my father worked for was going through a reorganization and he was about to go into his own business. Her kitchen, the heart of her home, burned to the ground, and she felt frustrated and overwhelmed because the kitchen was "her place" and, in part, a symbol of her role in our family system. In addition to all this, she was very tired, working as a nurse and helping several doctors. She often said that she to death need a vacation."

And in addition to all these difficult changes in her life, she had a relapse of breast cancer with metastases to the brain, spine, ribs and pelvis. The doctors gave a very poor prognosis and, in fact, said that they were ready to do everything possible "for the sake of her comfort."

My mother and I spent four long days working with her beliefs about herself and her illness. I used all the NLP methods that seemed appropriate to me. For her, it was a very exhausting job. We only took breaks for food and sleep. I helped the mother change many limiting beliefs and integrate the major conflicts that had arisen in her life due to all the life changes that were taking place during that period. As a result of working with her beliefs, she has achieved incredible improvements in her health and has given up chemotherapy, radiation, and other traditional treatments. She lived another twelve years in excellent health, with no further symptoms of cancer. She swam half a mile several times a week and lived a happy full life: she traveled to Europe and even starred in television commercials. She was an inspiration to all of us and showed what people with serious illnesses are really capable of.

The process I did with my mother became the foundation of my NLP models for working with health, beliefs, and belief systems. The models I use now have improved a lot over the last seven years. We will talk about them first of all in this book.

Even before working with my mother, I was very fascinated by belief systems. I have often seen that even after "successful" application of this or that NLP technique, some people do not experience lasting changes. I began to investigate this problem, and it turned out that often these people have some kind of belief that in one way or another prevents the changes that they wanted. Here is one typical example: I was giving a presentation to a group of teachers working with children with special needs. One member of the group raised her hand and said, “You know, I think the NLP strategy for improving spelling is great and I use it with my students. But for me it doesn't work." I checked her words and found that this NLP strategy is actually for her. works. I started teaching her how to spell the word until she could spell it correctly—even backwards. But she doesn't believed that can do this, and thus devalued her new ability. This belief allowed her to reject all evidence that she could actually do it.

Belief systems are the big frame around any of our change work. You can teach a person to write correctly - provided that he is alive and physically able to do it. But if a person thinks that he cannot do something, he will definitely find an unconscious way to stop the process of change. He will find a way to interpret the results according to his beliefs. In order to get that teacher to use the spelling improvement strategy, her belief system had to be worked on first.