Shchedrin bear in the voivodeship summary. Online reading of the book fairy tale bear on the voivodeship

Atrocities large and serious are often referred to as brilliant and, as such, are recorded on the tablets of History. Atrocities that are small and comic are called shameful, and not only are they not misleading History, but they also do not receive praise from their contemporaries.

I. Toptygin 1st

Toptygin the 1st understood this very well. He was an old servant-beast, he knew how to build lairs and uproot trees; therefore, to some extent, he knew the art of engineering. But his most precious quality was that he wanted to get on the tablets of History at all costs, and for this he preferred the brilliance of bloodshed to everything in the world. So no matter what they talked about with him: whether it was about trade, whether it was about industry, whether it was about the sciences, he turned everything to one: "Bloodshed ... bloodshed ... that's what is needed!" For this, Leo promoted him to the rank of major and, as a temporary measure, sent him to a distant forest, sort of like a governor, to pacify the internal adversaries. The forest servants found out that the major was going to the forest to them, and thought. At that time, such freemen went among the forest peasants that everyone strove in his own way. Animals roamed, birds flew, insects crawled; and no one wanted to march in step. The peasants understood that they would not be praised for this, but they could not settle down by themselves. “The major will already arrive,” they said, “he will fall asleep to us - then we will find out what Kuzka’s mother-in-law is called!” And sure enough: before the men had time to look back, Toptygin was already right there. He ran to the voivodeship in the early morning, on Michaelmas Day, and immediately decided: "Tomorrow there will be bloodshed." What made him take such a decision is unknown: for he, in fact, was not angry, but just like that, a beast. And he certainly would have fulfilled his plan if the evil one had not beguiled him. The fact is that, in anticipation of bloodshed, Toptygin decided to celebrate his name day. I bought a bucket of vodka and got drunk alone drunk. And since he had not yet built lairs for himself, he, drunk, had to lie down to sleep in the middle of a clearing. He lay down and began to snore, and in the morning, as if it were a sin, Chizhik happened to fly past that clearing. Chizhik was special, smart: he knew how to carry a bucket, and he could sing, if necessary, for a canary. All the birds, looking at him, rejoiced, said: “You will see that our Chizhik will eventually wear a diaper!” Even Leo heard about his mind, and more than once he used to say to Oslu (At that time, Osel was known as a sage in his advice): “If only I could listen with one ear to how Chizhik would sing in my claws!” But no matter how clever Chizhik was, he did not guess. I thought that a rotten block of wood was lying in a clearing, sat on a bear and sang. And Toptygin's sleep is thin. He feels that someone is jumping on his carcass, and he thinks: “It must certainly be an internal adversary!” “Who is jumping on the voivodship’s carcass as an idle custom?” he snapped at last. Chizhik would have to fly away, but he didn’t guess even then. He sits and marvels at himself: the chump has spoken! Well, naturally, the major could not stand it: he grabbed the rude man in his paw, yes, without examining it from a hangover, he took it and ate it. He ate something, but having eaten, he realized: “What is it that I ate? And what kind of adversary is this, from whom nothing is left even on the teeth? Thought and thought, but nothing, brute, did not invent. Ate - that's all. And there is no way to fix this stupid thing. Because if even the most innocent bird is devoured, then it will rot in the major's belly just like the most criminal. Why did I eat it? - Toptygin interrogated himself, - Lev, sending me here, warned: “Do noble deeds, beware of the idle!” - and I, from the very first step, took it into my head to swallow siskins! Well, nothing! The first pancake is always lumpy! It's good that, at an early time, no one saw my foolishness. Alas! Apparently, Toptygin did not know that, in the sphere of administrative activity, the first mistake is the most fatal. That, having given the administrative run a sideways direction from the very beginning, it will subsequently move it more and more away from a straight line ... And sure enough, before he had time to calm down at the thought that no one had seen his foolishness, he heard that the starling neighboring birch shouts: - Fool! he was sent to bring us to the same denominator, and he ate Chizhik! The major got angry; climbed after the starling to the birch, and the starling, don't be stupid, fluttered to another. The bear - on the other, and the starling - again on the first. Climbed-climbed major, no urine exhausted. And looking at the starling, the crow dared: - That's so cattle! good people expected bloodshed from him, but he ate Chizhik! He is behind a crow, but a hare jumped out from behind a bush: — Sturdy bourbon! Ate a chizhik! A mosquito flew in from distant lands: Risum teneatis, amici! Ate a chizhik! The frog in the swamp croaked: - The booby of the king of heaven! Ate a chizhik! In a word, it's both funny and offensive. The major pokes first in one direction, then in the other, wants to catch the scoffers, and everything is past. And the more he tries, the more stupid he gets. In less than an hour, everyone in the forest, young and old, knew that Major Toptygin had eaten Chizhik. The whole forest was indignant. Not what was expected from the new governor. They thought that he would glorify the wilds and swamps with the brilliance of bloodshed, but he did what he did! And wherever Mikhailo Ivanovich directs his path, everywhere on the sides there is like a groan: “You are a fool, you are a fool! He ate a chizhik! Toptygin rushed about, roared with a good obscenity. Only once in his life something like this happened to him. At that time they kicked him out of the lair and let a flock of mongrels go - so they dug, dog children, into his ears, and into the scruff of the neck, and under the tail! That's how truly he saw death in the eyes! However, all the same, he somehow fought off: he crippled about a dozen mongrels, and flowed away from the rest. And now there is nowhere to go. Every bush, every tree, every tussock, as if alive, is teasing, and he - listen! Owl, what a stupid bird, and even he, having heard enough from others, hoots at night: “Fool! He ate a chizhik! But what is most important of all: not only does he himself suffer humiliation, but he sees that the authoritative authority in its very principle is diminishing more and more every day. Just look, and the rumor will spread to the neighboring slums, and there they will laugh at him! It's amazing how sometimes the most insignificant causes lead to the most serious consequences. Little bird Chizhik, and one might say, such a vulture has ruined his reputation forever! Until the major ate it, no one even thought of saying that Toptygin was a fool. Everyone said: “Your degree! you are our fathers, we are your children!” Everyone knew that the Donkey himself interceded for him before Leo, and if the Donkey appreciates anyone, then he is worth it. And now, thanks to some trivial administrative error, it was revealed to everyone at once. Everyone, as if by itself, flew off the tongue: “Fool! He ate a chizhik! It's all the same, as if someone had driven a poor, tiny schoolboy to suicide by pedagogical measures ... But no, and this is not so, because driving a schoolboy to suicide is no longer a shameful villainy, but the most real, to which, perhaps, he will listen and History... But... Chizhik! say goodbye! Chizhik! “It’s such a freak, brothers!” shouted the sparrows, hedgehogs and frogs in unison. At first, Toptygin's act was spoken of with indignation (ashamed of his native slum); then they began to tease; at first the roundabout teased, then the distant ones began to echo; first birds, then frogs, mosquitoes, flies. All swamp, all forest. “So that’s what public opinion means!” - Toptygin grumbled, wiping his snout scuffed in the bushes with his paw, - and then, perhaps, you will get on the tablets of History ... with Chizhik! And History is such a big deal that Toptygin, at the mention of it, thought about it. By itself, he knew very vaguely about her, but he heard from the Donkey that even Leo was afraid of her: “It’s not good, he says, to get on the tablets in an animal form!” History appreciates only the most excellent bloodshed, and mentions small ones with spitting. Now, if, for a start, he had cut a herd of cows, depriving a whole village by theft, or rolled a logger's hut over a log - well, then History ... but then they wouldn't give a damn about History! The main thing is that Donkey would then write him a flattering letter! And now, look! - ate Chizhik and thereby glorified himself! From over a thousand miles he galloped, how many runs and portions he exhausted - and the first thing he ate Chizhik ... ah! The boys on the school benches will know! Both the wild Tunguz and the Kalmyk son of the steppes will all say: “Major Toptygin was sent to subdue the adversary, but he, instead, ate Chizhik!” After all, he, the major, himself has children in the gymnasium! Until now, they have been called major's children, but in advance the schoolchildren will not let them pass, they will shout: “I ate a siskin! He ate a chizhik! How much general bloodshed will be required to make amends for such a dirty trick! How many people to rob, ruin, ruin! Cursed is the time which, with the help of major atrocities, builds a citadel of public well-being, but shameful, shameful, a thousand times shameful is the time, which imagines to achieve the same goal with the help of shameful and small crimes! Toptygin rushes about, doesn’t sleep at night, doesn’t accept reports, he thinks about one thing: “Ah, the Donkey will say something about my major’s leprosy!” And suddenly, like a dream in the hand, an instruction from the Donkey: “It came to the attention of his highness, Mr. Leo, that you did not pacify the internal enemies, but you ate Chizhik - is it true?” I had to confess. Toptygin repented, wrote a report and is waiting. Of course, there could be no other answer, except for one: “Fool! He ate a chizhik! But in private, the Donkey let the guilty know (the Bear sent him a tub of honey as a present at the report): “You definitely need to commit a special bloodshed in order to destroy that vile impression ...” - If this is the case, then I will improve my reputation! - said Mikhailo Ivanovich, and immediately attacked a herd of rams and slaughtered every single one. Then he caught a woman in a raspberry bush and took away a basket of raspberries. Then he began to look for roots and threads, and by the way, he uprooted a whole forest of foundations. Finally, at night, he climbed into the printing house, smashed the machines, mixed the type, and dumped the works of the human mind into the waste pit. Having done all this, he sat down, son of a bitch, on his haunches and awaits encouragement. However, his expectations were not fulfilled. Although Donkey, taking advantage of the first opportunity, Toptygin's exploits in at its best painted, but Leo not only did not reward him, but with his own hand on the Oslov report on the side scrawled: “I don’t believe this officer was brave; for this is the same Taptygin who mavo Lyubimov Chizhik sat down! And he ordered to be expelled for infantry. So Toptygin remained the 1st major forever. And if he started right from the printing presses, he would now be a general.

II. Toptygin 2nd

But it also happens that even brilliant atrocities do not go for the future. A deplorable example of this was destined to be presented to another Toptygin. At the very time when Toptygin the 1st distinguished himself in his slum, Lev sent another governor, also a major and also Toptygin, to another similar slum. This one was smarter than his namesake and, most importantly, he understood that in the matter of administrative reputation, the entire future of an administrator depends on the first step. Therefore, even before receiving the transfer money, he maturely considered his campaign plan and only then ran to the voivodeship. Nevertheless, his career was even shorter than Toptygin 1st. Mainly, he counted on the fact that as soon as he arrived at the place, he would immediately ruin the printing house: this was what Osel advised him to do. It turned out, however, that there was not a single printing house in the slum entrusted to him; although the old-timers recalled that there was once - under that pine tree - a government manual machine, which squeezed the forest chimes, but even under Magnitsky this machine was publicly burned, and only the censorship department was left, which assigned the duty performed by the chimes to the starlings. The latter every morning, flying through the forest, carried the political news of the day, and no one felt any inconvenience from that. Then it was also known that the woodpecker on the tree bark, without ceasing, writes the "History of the Forest Slum", but this bark, as the writing was written on it, was sharpened and taken away by ant thieves. And thus, the forest peasants lived without knowing either the past or the present, and without looking into the future. Or, in other words, they wandered from corner to corner, shrouded in the darkness of time. Then the major asked if there was at least a university in the forest, or at least an academy, in order to burn them down; but it turned out that here too Magnitsky anticipated his intentions: the university in full force turned into line battalions, and imprisoned the academicians in a hollow, where they stay in a lethargic dream. Toptygin became angry and demanded that Magnitsky be brought to him in order to tear him apart (“similia similibus curantur”), but received in response that Magnitsky, by the will of God, would die. There is nothing to do, Toptygin the 2nd grumbled, but did not fall into despondency. “If the soul of them, the bastards, for lack of it, cannot be destroyed,” he said to himself, “therefore, it is necessary to take it right for the skin!” No sooner said than done. He chose a darker night and climbed into the yard of a neighboring peasant. In turn, he pulled up a horse, a cow, a pig, a couple of sheep, and at least he knows, the scoundrel, that he has already ruined the peasant, but everything seems a little to him. “Wait a minute,” he says, “I’ll roll out your yard on a log, let you forever with a bag around the world!” And having said this, he climbed onto the roof to carry out his villainy. Just did not calculate that the mother was something rotten. As soon as he stepped on her, she take it and fail. The major hung in the air; he sees that the inevitable thing is to crash on the ground, but he does not want to. He grabbed a piece of log and roared. The peasants ran to the roar, some with a stake, some with an ax, and some with a horn. Wherever they turn around, there is pogrom everywhere. The fences are broken, the yard is open, there are pools of blood in the stables. And in the middle of the yard, the fence itself hangs. The men blew up. - Look, anathema! he wanted to curry favor with the authorities, and we must disappear through this! Well, brothers, let's respect him! Having said this, they put the spear on the very place where Toptygin was supposed to fall, and respected him. Then they skinned him, and the bitch was taken to the swamp, where by morning he was pecked by birds of prey. Thus, a new forest practice appeared, which established that even brilliant evil deeds can have consequences no less deplorable, like shameful atrocities. This newly established practice was confirmed by Forest History, adding, for greater intelligibility, what is accepted in historical manuals (for middle educational institutions published) the division of atrocities into brilliant and shameful is abolished forever, and that from now on all atrocities in general, whatever their size, are given the name "shameful." According to the report about this Donkey, Leo scrawled on it with his own hands: “On the verdict of History, let Major Toptygin III know: let him dodge.”

III. Toptygin 3rd

The third Toptygin was smarter than his namesake predecessors. “It’s getting out of hand! he said to himself, after reading Leo's resolution, "if you do little harm, they will ridicule him; if you mess up a lot, they’ll raise you on a horn ... Enough, is it really time to go? He asked Oslo in a report: “If it is not allowed to commit either large or small atrocities, is it not possible to commit at least medium atrocities?” - but the Donkey answered evasively: "You will find all the instructions you need on this subject in the Forest Charter." He looked into the Forest Charter, but everything was said there: about the fur tax, and about the mushroom, and about the berry, even about the cones of the spruce, but about the atrocities - silence! And then, to all his further dokuku and insistence, the Donkey answered with the same mystery: “Act according to decency!” "That's how long we've come to!" - Toptygin III grumbled, - a great rank is imposed on you, but they don’t indicate with what villainies to confirm it! And again it flashed through his mind: "It's enough, is it time to go?" — and if it had not been remembered what a lot of lifting and running money was in store for him in the treasury, the right, it seems, would not have gone! He arrived in the slum on his own for two - very modestly. He didn't appoint any official receptions, or report days, but darted straight into the den, put his paw in the hailo and lay down. He lies and thinks: “You can’t even skin a hare - and that, perhaps, will be considered villainy! And who will count? it would be good for a Lion or a Donkey - it doesn’t matter where it goes! - and then some men. Yes, they found some other History - that’s really is-to-ri-ya !!” Toptygin laughs in the den, remembering History, but his heart is terrifying: he feels that the Lion of History himself is afraid ... How can you pull up the forest bastard here - and he can’t put his mind to it. They ask him a lot, but they don’t order to rob! In whatever direction he rushes, he will just scatter - wait, wait! went to the wrong place! Everywhere "rights" wound up. Even a squirrel, and that one has rights now! Shot in your nose - that's what your rights are! At them - rights, and he, you see, duties! Yes, and there are no real duties - just an empty place! They- they eat each other with food, but he does not dare to bully anyone! What does it look like! And all Donkey! He, it is he who is wise, he breeds this rigmarole! “Who quickly made a divi donkey? who loosed his bonds? - that's what he ought to remember all the time, and he mumbles about "rights"! "Act with dignity!" — ah! For a long time he sucked his paw in this way and did not even really enter into the management of the slum entrusted to him. Once he tried to declare himself “out of decency”, climbed the highest pine tree and barked from there in a voice that was not his own, but this did not work out either. The forest bastard, having not seen villainy for a long time, became so insolent that, having heard his roar, she only said: “Chu, Mishka is roaring! look that you bit your paw in a dream! With that, Toptygin 3rd drove off again to the lair ... But I repeat: he was a smart bear and did not lie down in a lair to languish in fruitless lamentations, but then to think of something real. And I thought. The fact is that while he was lying, everything in the forest went on by itself in an established order. This order, of course, could not be called completely “prosperous”, but after all, the task of the voivodship is not at all to achieve some kind of dreamy prosperity, but to protect and protect the old established order (even if unsuccessful) from damage . And it is not about committing some big, medium or small evil deeds, but to be content with “natural” atrocities. If from time immemorial it has been customary that wolves tear the skin from hares, and kites and owls pluck crows, then although there is nothing prosperous in such an “order”, but since it is still an “order” - therefore, it should be recognized as such . And if, at the same time, neither hares nor ravens not only do not grumble, but continue to multiply and inhabit the earth, then this means that “order” does not go beyond the boundaries defined for it from time immemorial. Are these "natural" villainies not enough? In this case, that is exactly what happened. Not once did the forest change the physiognomy that befitted it. And day and night it thundered with millions of voices, some of which were an agonizing cry, others a victorious cry. And external forms, and sounds, and chiaroscuro, and the composition of the population - everything seemed unchanged, as if frozen. In a word, it was an order so established and strong that, at the sight of it, even the most fierce, zealous governor could not come up with the idea of any crowning atrocities, and even “under your personal responsibility”. Thus, a whole theory of dysfunctional well-being suddenly arose before the mental gaze of Toptygin III. She grew up with all the details and even with a ready-made test in practice. And he remembered how once, in a friendly conversation, Donkey said: What kind of atrocities are you asking about? The main thing in our craft is: laissez passer, laissez faire! Or, to put it in Russian: "The fool sits on the fool and drives the fool!" There you are. If you, my friend, begin to adhere to this rule, then villainy will become of itself, and everything will be fine with you! So it is exactly according to him and comes out. You just have to sit back and be glad that a fool is driving a fool to a fool, and everything else will follow. “I don’t even understand why the governor is sent! after all, even without them ... - the major was liberal, but, remembering the content assigned to him, hushed up the immodest thought: nothing, nothing, silence ... With these words, he rolled over onto the other side and decided to leave the lair only to receive the appropriated maintenance. And then everything went like clockwork in the forest. The major was asleep, and the peasants brought piglets, chickens, honey, and even fusel oil, and piled up their tributes at the entrance to the lair. At the specified hours, the major woke up, left the lair and ate. Thus, Toptygin III lay in the lair for many years. And since the unfavorable, but longed-for forest orders were never violated at that time, and since no villainy, except for “natural” ones, was carried out, Leo did not leave him in mercy. First he was promoted to lieutenant colonel, then to colonel, and finally ... But here the lukash peasants appeared in the slum, and Toptygin 3rd came out of the lair into the field. And he suffered the fate of all fur-bearing animals.

"Bear in the province"

I. TOPTYGIN 1st

"Bloodshed... bloodshed... that's what it takes!"

For this, Leo promoted him to the rank of major and, as a temporary measure, sent him to a distant forest, sort of like a governor, to pacify the internal adversaries.

The forest servants found out that the major was going to the forest to them, and thought. At that time, such freemen went among the forest peasants that everyone strove in his own way.

Animals roamed, birds flew, insects crawled; and no one wanted to march in step. The peasants understood that they would not be praised for this, but they could not settle down by themselves. “The Major is coming,” they said, “

he will fall asleep to us - then we will find out what Kuzka's mother-in-law is called!

And sure enough: before the men had time to look back, Toptygin was already right there.

He ran to the voivodeship early in the morning, on Michaelmas day, and immediately decided: "Tomorrow there will be bloodshed." What made him take such a decision is unknown: for he, in fact, was not angry, but so, a beast.

And he certainly would have fulfilled his plan if the evil one had not beguiled him.

The fact is that, in anticipation of bloodshed, Toptygin decided to celebrate his name day. I bought a bucket of vodka and got drunk alone drunk. And since he had not yet built lairs for himself, he, drunk, had to lie down to sleep in the middle of a clearing. He lay down and began to snore, and in the morning, as if it were a sin, Chizhik happened to fly past that clearing. Chizhik was special, smart: he knew how to carry a bucket, and he could sing, if necessary, for a canary. All the birds, looking at him, rejoiced, said: "You will see that our Chizhik will eventually wear a diaper!" Even Leo heard about his mind, and more than once he used to say to Oslu (At that time, Osel was known as a sage in his advice): “If only I could listen with one ear to how Chizhik would sing in my claws!”

But no matter how clever Chizhik was, he did not guess. I thought that a rotten block of wood was lying in a clearing, sat on a bear and sang. And Toptygin's sleep is thin. He feels that someone is jumping on his carcass, and he thinks: "It must certainly be an internal adversary!"

Who is jumping on the voivodship's carcass with an idle custom? he snapped at last.

Chizhik would have to fly away, but he didn’t guess even then. He sits and marvels at himself: the chump has spoken! Well, naturally, the major could not stand it: he grabbed the rude man in his paw, yes, without examining it from a hangover, he took it and ate it.

He ate something, but after eating he remembered: “What is it that I ate? And what kind of adversary is this, from whom nothing is left even on his teeth?” Thought and thought, but nothing, brute, did not invent. Ate - that's all. And there is no way to fix this stupid thing. Because if even the most innocent bird is devoured, then it will rot in the major's belly just like the most criminal.

Why did I eat it? - Toptygin interrogated himself, - Leo, sending me here, warned: "Do noble deeds, beware of idlers!" - and I, from the very first step, took it into my head to swallow siskins! Well, nothing! The first pancake is always lumpy! It's good that, at an early time, no one saw my foolishness.

Alas! apparently, Toptygin did not know that in the sphere of administrative activity the first mistake is the most fatal. That, having given the administrative run a sideways direction from the very beginning, it will subsequently move it more and more away from a straight line ...

And sure enough, before he had time to calm down at the thought that no one had seen his foolishness, he heard that a starling from a neighboring birch was shouting to him:

Fool! he was sent to bring us to the same denominator, and he ate Chizhik!

The major got angry; climbed after the starling to the birch, and the starling, don't be stupid, fluttered to another. The bear - on the other, and the starling - again on the first. Climbed-climbed major, no urine exhausted. And looking at the starling, the crow dared:

That's so cattle! good people expected bloodshed from him, but he ate Chizhik!

He is behind a crow, but a hare jumped out from behind a bush:

Bourbon stout! Ate a chizhik!

A mosquito flew in from distant lands:

Risum teneatis, amici! (Is it possible not to laugh, friends! (Latin), from the letter of Horace to Piso and his sons ("The Science of Poetry")) Chizhik ate!

The frog in the swamp croaked:

Oops to the king of heaven! Ate a chizhik!

In a word, it's both funny and offensive. The major pokes first in one direction, then in the other, wants to catch the scoffers, and everything is past. And the more he tries, the more stupid he gets. In less than an hour, everyone in the forest, young and old, knew that Major Toptygin had eaten Chizhik. The whole forest was indignant. Not what was expected from the new governor. They thought that he would glorify the wilds and swamps with the brilliance of bloodshed, but he did what he did! And wherever Mikhail Ivanovich directs his path, everywhere on the sides, like a groan, stands:

"You fool, you fool! You ate a chizhik!"

Toptygin rushed about, roared with a good obscenity. Only once in his life something like this happened to him. They kicked him out of the lair at that time and let in a flock of mongrels - so they dug, dog children, into his ears, and into the scruff of the neck, and under the tail! That's how truly he saw death in the eyes! However, all the same, he somehow fought off: he crippled about a dozen mongrels, and flowed away from the rest.

And now there is nowhere to go. Every bush, every tree, every tussock, as if alive, tease, and he - listen! Owl, what a stupid bird, and even he, having heard enough from others, hoots at night: "Fool! He ate a siskin!"

But what is most important of all: not only does he himself suffer humiliation, but he sees that the authoritative authority in its very principle is diminishing more and more every day. Just look, and the rumor will spread to the neighboring slums, and there they will laugh at him!

It's amazing how sometimes the most insignificant causes lead to the most serious consequences. Little bird Chizhik, and one might say, such a vulture has ruined his reputation forever! Until the major ate it, no one even thought of saying that Toptygin was a fool. Everyone said: "Your degree! You are our fathers, we are your children!" Everyone knew that the Donkey himself interceded for him before Leo, and if the Donkey appreciates anyone, then he is worth it. And now, thanks to some trivial administrative error, it was revealed to everyone at once. Everyone, as if by itself, flew off the tongue: "Fool! Ate a siskin!" It’s all the same, as if someone had driven a poor, tiny schoolboy to suicide by pedagogical measures ... But no, and this is not so, because driving a schoolboy to suicide is no longer a shameful villainy, but the most real, to which, perhaps, he will listen and History... But... Chizhik! say goodbye! Chizhik! "It's such a freak, brothers!" - sparrows, hedgehogs and frogs shouted in unison.

At first, Toptygin's act was spoken of with indignation (ashamed of his native slum); then they began to tease; at first the roundabout teased, then the distant ones began to echo; first birds, then frogs, mosquitoes, flies. All swamp, all forest.

So here it is, what does public opinion mean! - Toptygin grumbled, wiping his snout scuffed in the bushes with his paw, - and then, perhaps, you will get on the tablets of History ... with Chizhik!

And History is such a big deal that Toptygin, at the mention of it, thought about it. By itself, he knew very vaguely about her, but he heard from the Donkey that even the Lion was afraid of her: "It's not good, he says, to get on the tablets in an animal form!" History appreciates only the most excellent bloodshed, and mentions small ones with spitting. Now, if he, for starters, cut a herd of cows, deprived a whole village by theft, or rolled a logger's hut on a log - well, then History ... but then they wouldn't give a damn about History!

The main thing is that Donkey would then write him a flattering letter! And now, look!

He ate Chizhik and thereby glorified himself! From a thousand miles away he galloped, how many runs and portions he had exhausted - and the first thing he ate Chizhik ... ah!

The boys on the school benches will know! And the wild Tunguz, and the Kalmyk son of the steppes - everyone will say: "Major Toptygin was sent to subdue the adversary, and he, instead. Chizhik ate!" After all, he, the major, himself has children in the gymnasium! Until now, they have been called major's children, but in advance the schoolchildren will not let them pass, they will shout: "I ate a siskin! I ate a siskin!"

How many general bloodshed will be required to make amends for such a dirty trick! How many people to rob, ruin, ruin!

Cursed is the time which, with the help of major atrocities, builds a citadel of public well-being, but shameful, shameful, a thousand times shameful is the time, which imagines to achieve the same goal with the help of shameful and small crimes!

Toptygin rushes about, does not sleep at night, does not accept reports, he thinks about one thing: "Ah, the Donkey will say something about my major's leprosy!"

And suddenly, like a dream in the hand, an order from the Donkey: "It came to the attention of his highness, Mr. Leo, that you did not pacify the internal enemies, but you ate Chizhik - is it true?"

I had to confess. Toptygin repented, wrote a report and is waiting.

Of course, there could be no other answer, except for one: “Fool!

He ate a chizhik!" But in private, the Donkey let the guilty know (the Bear sent him a tub of honey as a present at the report): "You definitely need to commit a special bloodshed in order to destroy this vile impression ... "

If this is the case, then I will improve my reputation! - said Mikhail Ivanovich and immediately attacked a herd of rams and slaughtered every single one. Then he caught a woman in a raspberry bush and took away a basket of raspberries. Then he began to look for roots and threads, and by the way, he uprooted a whole forest of foundations.

Finally, at night, he climbed into the printing house, smashed the machines, mixed the type, and dumped the works of the human mind into the waste pit.

Having done all this, he sat down, son of a bitch, on his haunches and awaits encouragement.

However, his expectations were not fulfilled.

Although Donkey, taking advantage of the first opportunity, described Toptygin’s exploits in the best possible way, Lev not only did not reward him, but scrawled on the side of the Donkey report with his own hands: “I don’t believe this officer was brave;

for this is the same Taptygin who mavo Lyubimov Chizhik sat down!

And he ordered to be expelled for infantry.

So Toptygin remained the 1st major forever. And if he had started directly from the printing houses, he would now be a general.

II. TOPTYGIN 2nd

But it also happens that even brilliant atrocities do not go for the future. A deplorable example of this was destined to be presented to another Toptygin.

At the very time when Toptygin the 1st distinguished himself in his slum, Lev sent another governor, also a major and also Toptygin, to another similar slum. This one was smarter than his namesake and, most importantly, he understood that in the matter of administrative reputation, the entire future of an administrator depends on the first step. Therefore, even before receiving the transfer money, he maturely considered his campaign plan and only then ran to the voivodeship.

Nevertheless, his career was even shorter than Toptygin 1st.

Mainly, he counted on the fact that as soon as he arrived at the place, he would immediately ruin the printing house: this was what Osel advised him to do. It turned out, however, that there was not a single printing house in the slum entrusted to him; although the old-timers recalled that there was once - under that pine tree - a state-owned manual machine, which forest chimes (newspapers (from Dutch - courant))

squeezed, but even under Magnitsky (M.L. Magnitsky (1778-1855), trustee of Kazan University in the last years of the reign of Alexander I), this machine was publicly burned, and only the censorship department was left, which assigned the duty, performed by chimes, to starlings .

The latter every morning, flying through the forest, carried the political news of the day, and no one felt any inconvenience from that. Then it was also known that the woodpecker on the tree bark, without ceasing, writes the "History of the Forest Slum", but this bark, as the writing was written on it, was sharpened and taken away by ant thieves. And thus, the forest peasants lived without knowing either the past or the present, and without looking into the future. Or, in other words, they wandered from corner to corner, shrouded in the darkness of time.

Then the major asked if there was at least a university in the forest, or at least an academy, in order to burn them down; but it turned out that here too Magnitsky anticipated his intentions: the university in full force turned into line battalions, and imprisoned the academicians in a hollow, where they stay in a lethargic dream. Toptygin got angry and demanded that Magnitsky be brought to him in order to tear him to pieces ("similia similibus curantur") (a wedge is knocked out with a wedge (lat.)), but received in response that Magnitsky, by the will of God, would die.

There is nothing to do, Toptygin the 2nd grumbled, but did not fall into despondency. “If their soul, the bastards, for lack of it, cannot be destroyed,” he said to himself, “therefore, it is necessary to take it right for the skin!”

No sooner said than done. He chose a darker night and climbed into the yard of a neighboring peasant. In turn, he pulled up a horse, a cow, a pig, a couple of sheep, and at least he knows, the scoundrel, that he has already ruined the peasant, but everything seems a little to him. “Wait,” he says, “I’ll roll your yard over a log, forever let you with a bag around the world!” And having said this, he climbed onto the roof to carry out his villainy. Just did not calculate that the mother was something rotten.

As soon as he stepped on her, she take it and fail. The major hung in the air; he sees that the inevitable thing is to crash on the ground, but he does not want to.

He grabbed a piece of log and roared.

The peasants ran to the roar, some with a stake, some with an ax, and some with a horn. Wherever they turn around, there is pogrom everywhere. The fences are broken, the yard is open, there are pools of blood in the stables. And in the middle of the yard, the fence itself hangs. The men blew up.

Look, anathema! he wanted to curry favor with the authorities, and we must disappear through this! Well, brothers, let's respect him!

Having said this, they put the spear on the very place where Toptygin was supposed to fall, and respected him. Then they skinned him, and the bitch was taken to the swamp, where by morning he was pecked by birds of prey.

Thus, a new forest practice appeared, which established that even brilliant evil deeds can have consequences no less deplorable, like shameful atrocities.

Forest History also confirmed this newly established practice, adding, for greater intelligibility, that the division of villainy into brilliant and shameful accepted in historical manuals (published for secondary educational institutions) is abolished forever and that from now on all villainy in general, whatever their size, is assigned Name

"shameful".

According to Osla's report about this, Leo scrawled on one with his own hands: "Let Major Toptygin III know about the verdict of History: let him dodge."

III. TOPTYGIN 3rd

The third Toptygin was smarter than his namesake predecessors. “It turns out to be rubbish!” he said to himself, after reading Lev’s resolution, “if you mess up a little, they’ll make fun of you; if you mess up a lot, they’ll raise you on a horn ... It’s enough, is it really time to go?”

He asked Oslo in a report: "If it is not allowed to commit either large or small atrocities, then is it not possible to commit at least medium atrocities?"

But the Donkey answered evasively: "You will find all the instructions you need on this subject in the Forest Charter." He looked into the Forest Charter, but everything was said there: about the fur tax, and about the mushroom, and about the berry, even about the cones of the spruce, but about the atrocities - silence! And then, to all his further dokuki and insistence. The donkey answered with the same mystery: "Act according to decency!"

That's how long we've come! - Toptygin 3rd murmured, - a great rank is imposed on you, but they don’t indicate what villainies to confirm it!

And again it flashed through his head: "That's enough, shall we go?" - and if it had not been remembered what a lot of lifting and running money was in store for him in the treasury, right, it seems, he would not have gone!

He arrived in the slums on his own for two - very modestly. He didn't appoint any official receptions, or report days, but darted straight into the den, put his paw in the hailo and lay down. He lies and thinks: "You can't even skin a hare -

and then, perhaps, they will consider it a villainy! And who will count? kindly Lion or Donkey -

no matter where it goes! - and then some men. Yes, they found some other story

That's really the story!!" Toptygin laughs in the den, remembering History, but his heart is terrifying: he senses that the Lion of History himself is afraid ... How will you pull up the forest bastard - and apply your mind "He can't. They ask a lot of him, but they don't tell him to rob! In whatever direction he rushes, he will just run away - wait, wait! He drove into the wrong place! Everywhere "rights" were wound up. Even the squirrel, and that one now has rights !

Shot in your nose - that's what your rights are! They have rights, and he, you see, duties! Yes, and there are no real duties - just an empty place! They - they eat each other with food, and he - does not dare to bully anyone! What does it look like! And all Donkey! He, it is he who is wise, he breeds this rigmarole!

"Who quickly made a donkey divya? Who allowed him the bonds?" - that's what he ought to remember all the time, and he mumbles about "rights"! "Act with propriety!" - ah!

For a long time he sucked his paw in this way and did not even really enter into the management of the slum entrusted to him. Once he tried to declare himself "out of decency", climbed the highest pine tree and barked from there in a voice that was not his own, but this did not work out either. The forest bastard, having not seen villainy for a long time, became so insolent that, hearing his roar, she only said:

"Chu, Mishka is roaring! Look, he bit his paw in a dream!" With that, Toptygin 3rd drove off again to the lair ...

But I repeat: he was a smart bear and did not lie down in a lair to languish in fruitless lamentations, but then to think of something real.

And I thought.

The fact is that while he was lying, everything in the forest went on by itself in an established order. This order, of course, could not be called completely

“prosperous”, but after all, the task of the voivodship is not at all to achieve some kind of dreamy prosperity, but to protect and protect the old routine (even if unsuccessful) from damage. And not in doing some big, medium or small evil deeds, but to be content with "natural" atrocities.

If from time immemorial it has been customary that wolves skin hares, and kites and owls pluck crows, then, although there is nothing prosperous in such an “order”, but since it is still an “order” - therefore, it should be recognized as such . And if, at the same time, neither hares nor ravens not only do not grumble, but continue to multiply and inhabit the earth, then this means that "order" does not go beyond the boundaries defined for it from time immemorial. Are these "natural"

villainy not enough?

In this case, that is exactly what happened. Not once did the forest change the physiognomy that befitted it. And day and night it thundered with millions of voices, some of which were an agonizing cry, others a victorious cry. And external forms, and sounds, and chiaroscuro, and the composition of the population - everything seemed unchanged, as if frozen. In a word, it was an order so established and strong that, at the sight of it, even the most fierce, zealous governor could not think of any crowning atrocities, and even "under your personal responsibility."

Thus, a whole theory of dysfunctional well-being suddenly arose before the mental gaze of Toptygin III. She grew up with all the details and even with a ready-made test in practice. And he remembered how once, in a friendly conversation. Donkey said:

What kind of atrocities are you asking about? The main thing in our craft

It is: laissez passer, laissez faire! (to allow, not to interfere! (fr.), the provision by the state of complete freedom of action to private entrepreneurship)) Or, in Russian, "A fool sits on a fool and drives a fool!" There you are. If you, my friend, begin to adhere to this rule, then villainy will become of itself, and everything will be fine with you!

So it is exactly according to him and comes out. You just have to sit back and be glad that a fool is driving a fool to a fool, and everything else will follow.

I don't even understand why the governor is sent! because even without them ... -

the major was liberal, but, remembering the content assigned to him, he hushed up the indiscreet thought: nothing, nothing, silence ... (quote from N.V. Gogol's Notes of a Madman (1835))

With these words, he rolled over onto the other side and decided to leave the lair only to receive the appropriated maintenance. And then everything went like clockwork in the forest. The major was asleep, and the peasants brought piglets, chickens, honey, and even fusel oil, and piled up their tributes at the entrance to the lair. At the specified hours, the major woke up, left the lair and ate.

Thus, Toptygin III lay in the lair for many years. And since the unfavorable, but longed-for forest orders were never violated at that time, and since no atrocities were involved, except

"natural" was not produced, then Leo did not leave him by grace. First he was promoted to lieutenant colonel, then to colonel, and finally ...

But here the lukash peasants appeared in the slum, and Toptygin 3rd came out of the lair into the field. And he suffered the fate of all fur-bearing animals.

Saltykov-Shchedrin - Bear in the province, read text

Introduction: summary

“The Bear in the Voivodeship” by Saltykov-Shchedrin begins with the author's discussion of atrocities and their role in society. Large or shiny are stored in the tablets of History. And the little ones are called shameful and do not receive any praise.

The story of Toptygin I

He was an experienced campaigner who certainly wanted to get into the tablets of History. Therefore, when Leo promoted him to major and appointed him governor in some slum, Toptygin I decided to immediately arrange bloodshed in it. The forest inhabitants, accustomed to free life, heard about the arrival of the ruler, and prepared for innovations. But in fact, a completely different story came out. Here is its summary.

The bear in the province - Saltykov-Shchedrin calls each of the three heroes Toptygin - did not start at all as planned. Arriving at the place, he decided to celebrate the name day. Having drunk too much, he fell asleep in a clearing, since there was no den yet. And at that time, Chizhik, who became famous for his mind, flew by. Leo himself dreamed that he would sing in his claws. The bird sees: something lies in the clearing. She decided that she sat down on him and sang. And the bear felt someone jumping on it, and, without understanding, swallowed Chizhik. This was the end of his career, as a bad rumor immediately spread through the forest.

“The voivode-fool, instead of arranging bloodshed, ate Chizhik,” the forest dwellers shouted. And there was nothing to wash off this stain. Toptygin suffered for a long time, hearing indignation at first, and then ridicule. Finally, the news reached Leo. The bear wrote a report, gave a bribe to the Donkey, who advised him to commit some kind of bloodshed. Toptygin immediately slaughtered the rams, and frightened the woman, and destroyed the printing house, and turned the whole forest upside down. However, it was too late. Leo did not believe in his courage and ordered to be expelled. So he remained in the rank of major because of a stupid story, as its summary makes clear, Bear in the province of Saltykov-Shchedrin.

The Story of Toptygin II

But sometimes a brilliant atrocity ends badly. So it was with another bear, whom Leo also appointed governor. Unlike Toptygin I, he had thought over the plan of his future activities in advance. But there was neither a printing house nor an academy on the site that could be destroyed. And since the soul of the inhabitants cannot be destroyed, you need to take on the skin. Deciding so, the governor went at night to the peasant. But even for this Toptygin, the reign ended quickly and badly. Having cut all the living creatures, he climbed onto the roof, wanting to roll the hut over logs. He collapsed and yelled so that the peasants ran from all over the neighborhood. They put the beast on a horn and skinned it. Soon there was no trace of him. So the second ended his reign, seemingly not stupid, as the beginning of administrative activity and its summary shows, Bear in the province. Saltykov-Shchedrin, in this regard, was interested in the amendment that appeared in History, that even brilliant atrocities can have deplorable consequences.

The Tale of Toptygin III

But for the third bear, everything ended well. Having learned about the fate of his predecessors, he thought: “How to rule? The correct resolutions on this matter are not given. Whether you mess up a little, or a lot, but the result is the same. And he was about to give up his position, but he remembered the big money that was supposed to be at the same time.

Arriving in his slums, the voivode climbed into the lair, and so the whole term of his reign lay there. The peasants brought tribute at the appointed time, and Toptygin got out only to eat. Nothing has changed in the forest since his arrival. And the bear himself, talking from idleness about well-being, came to the idea expressed to him by Oslo. The main thing in administrative business is to allow everything and not interfere with anyone. Then the necessary atrocities will be done by themselves. The ruler can only sit and wait. Such behavior turned out to be the most reasonable, and the third Toptygin eventually received the rank of general. This is how the fairy tale ends (you read its summary) “The Bear in the Voivodeship” by Saltykov-Shchedrin.

All evil deeds in the world that have a global scale are recorded in history, and all those that do not have significant weight are called shameful.

Bear Toptygin always thought that atrocities should have global dimensions. He possessed the knowledge of how to turn a tree out of the ground, and how to build a lair. And his main dream was that for his bloodthirsty deeds, he would go down in history. He reduced all his conversations to bloody deeds. Leo revered him. And he decided that the bear would go to the province in the most distant forest, giving him the rank of major. The bear arrived very quickly. Frightened all the inhabitants with his presence.

The bear, as a lover of blood, decided to start his evil deeds. But the evil one led him astray. He got drunk with a bucket of vodka, he wanted to celebrate his birthday, and fell asleep on duty. But the bear fell asleep not in the den, since he had not yet managed to build it, but right in front of everyone in the clearing.

At this time, Chizhik flew past. And he was considered the smartest in the forest. Even Leo himself knew about his mind. Chizhik sat on a sleeping bear, taking his old stump, let's sing songs. Toptygin heard this and woke up. I did not understand half-awake what was what and how. Yes, he took and swallowed a bird. It was only after that that he realized that his act was quite petty. And now all his great villainies became nothing after such a petty act. The lion found out about everything and became very angry with the bear.

All this was seen by the starling. Arrived and let's make fun of the bear. Other inhabitants of the forest also came to the aid of the starling. A crow flew in, a mosquito, and a frog jumped up. All of them began to make fun of the bear together with the starling. Like, he committed such a petty atrocity, he swallowed a bird. They laugh and laugh, but the bear was not laughing.

Toptygin is angry, they say, he opposed a flock of mongrels, and here there is nowhere to hide. All animals laugh. Every bush and branch.

Then Toptygin began to think. How is it that the bird was so small, and the consequences were big. He thought about how to explain all this to Leo. How to return the former glory, but the respect of the authorities. And the rumors had already spread throughout the forest and reached the Lion.

The bear got nervous, decided that he urgently needed to do something big. Then Toptygin began to smash everything in the district. He destroyed the human printing house, and destroyed all the affairs, burying the waste in a pit. But his actions did not make any impression on Leo, because he had eaten Chizhik before that. He decided to expel the bear from the service. So, he did not advance in his career. The bear remained a simple major, he did not become a general, and he did not even rise to the rank of colonel.

The second bear lived in the forest. Thought he was smarter. And after he was sent to serve in the forest, he decided to immediately begin to do evil deeds on a large scale. Although the bear thought out all the deeds with special care, his career did not go uphill. There was nothing to destroy in this forest, there was neither a printing house nor the necessary buildings in it. And all the petty and evil deeds bothered the inhabitants.

The bear decided to kill a cow and other small livestock and poultry in one yard. I also decided to take everything apart for firewood and drag it into the forest, so that the peasant would go around the world. I climbed onto the roof, but it was rotten. Toptygin collapsed. The men saw this, got angry, and killed the bear for it. To discourage others, because they want to curry favor with the authorities at the expense of civilians. And things small and large now began to be considered shameful. Everyone will have to answer for them all.

The third bear also lived in the forest. He was smarter than the other two. Toptygin understood that now no evil deeds would just get away with it. Even squirrels have their own rights. Therefore, he decided to lie down in a lair after he arrived in the province. He did not celebrate, he came modestly, fell asleep with his paw in his mouth and lay down. And there you will see. And things were going well. Without the participation of the bear, everyone ate each other.

Evil things happened by themselves. So, Toptygin stopped showing up from his lair. He licked it only when Leo awarded him a new title. And Lev favored and respected him, made him a colonel. The bear was proud of his mind, and that everything happens by itself, and Leo honors him for his deeds.

But not everything is so good. And the third bear was punished. The men came to the forest for furs, and they killed Toptygin. Comprehended him to take into account all fur-bearing animals.